Has Your Interest In Him Turned Into An Unhealthy Obsession?

While it’s true that we could always use a little more love in the world, focusing all that love on just one person can be unhealthy at best and downright dangerous at worst. So how do you know when you’ve taken things a little too far?

  1. A man should never be your only priority. He shouldn’t even be your top priority because you should be your own top priority. No matter how much you care about him, you can’t stop caring about you or key parts of your life. You can definitely give your boyfriend and important place in your life, but never let him be your only priority or else he’s the only thing you really have. That’s called putting all your eggs in one basket and it never ends well.
  2. Your love should never be more important than your happiness. If you’re unhappy in a relationship, you should never stay just because you love him. Despite what Nicholas Sparks’ books might tell you, love isn’t always enough. Just because you love him doesn’t mean he’s going to treat you right or even that you’re going to be compatible long-term. If you’re not happy, then you need to have the courage to leave.
  3. You should be able to trust him. Sometimes loving a man too much can actually take away the trust you have for him. Your love becomes a form of worry and protection. Where is he? What is he doing? Who is he with? Before you know it, you’re snooping through all of his crap reading every text and analyzing his entire web history. You’re killing the relationship all because you love him too much.
  4. Your friendships shouldn’t suffer because of your relationship. In relationships where you love a man too much, you’re way more likely to let your friendships fall by the wayside. No matter how long those people stood by your side and were there for you when you were single, if you love your boyfriend too much, they just stop mattering to you. The love for one man should never take away the love you have for your friends. There should be room in your heart for both and if there’s not, then your love is just unhealthy. Besides, you’ll need someone by your side when your relationship goes down the tubes.
  5. True jealousy should be rare. In healthy relationships, you can keep your jealousy in check, but when you love a man too much, even the littlest things can set you off. A man should be able to have female friends, coworkers, or even just speak politely to other women without you throwing off the handle. You might love him, but if that love is selfish, then it’s just too damn much.
  6. His wants and needs should never be more important than your own. You both deserve to have your needs met, so don’t let his life requirements outshine your own. You both deserve to be happy. Sure, a lot of being in a relationship is about compromise, but if you’re making all the sacrifices and he’s reaping all the benefits, then it’s clear you love him too much (and he probably doesn’t love you enough).
  7. You can act like his girlfriend or his mother, but not both. You don’t get to tell him what to do, where he can go, and whom he can see. His life isn’t about living by your rules. He’s an adult, so treat him as such. He lived eighteen years of his life (if not more) under his mother’s rules, but he’s not a child anymore. You can be his girlfriend, but if you love him so much that you start acting like his mother, that’s what he’ll start seeing you as.
  8. He still has to treat you right. You should never love a man so much that you would stay with him no matter what. What if he cheats on you or physically or emotionally abuses you? Would you stay then? It’s not healthy to have more love for a man than you do for yourself. You might love him, but every woman should have conditions in which she would walk away.
  9. Love is not the same as obsession. People in love like to say that they think about their partner all the time, that the other person is “always on their mind.” That’s just a figure of speech, though — at least it should be. In the literal sense, if he’s always on your mind to the point where you can’t work and you’re constantly thinking about where he is and what he’s doing then it’s no longer just love. It’s obsession.
  10. No matter what, you need to have your own life. A man shouldn’t be your other half. You need to realize that you’re whole on your own. You might be a couple, but that doesn’t mean two lives become one. You’re still different people with different friends, careers, hobbies, passions, thoughts and feelings. Embrace your individuality or else you’re just a leech living off the life of your partner. You might love him and you may even be creating a life together but that should never overshadow the person you are on your own.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.