Just Because I’m Single Doesn’t Mean I Want to Date Your Friend

What is it with couples and trying to set you up with their friends? When two people get together even moderately successfully, they take it upon themselves to play matchmaker to their unsuspecting friends and relatives. This is just a friendly reminder to the loved-up that even though I’m single, I’m not quite ready to be set up with your friends.

  1. Please, spare me the smug couple lecture. I get it—they’ve found undying love and happiness and just want everyone else to share the smushy magic. Ladies, let me guarantee you right here, right now that I will never do this to my friends when I’m in a relationship. It’s great that they’ve found happiness, but bending over backward to get me a date is just rubbing it in my face.
  2. I know they love the idea of pairing off all their single friends. Apart from satisfying their unholy craving for double dates, I don’t see how me being in a relationship with their friend is going to make you any happier. Their social circle isn’t destined to slot neatly into relationships, so why keep trying?
  3. I’m a strong, independent woman and I don’t need your pity. They might think they’re doing me a favor by finding me a nice young man to date but the reality is that it’s patronizing. Not every single person is waiting to be fixed up with someone—believe it or not, I love my single life! They need to spare their pity for people in unhappy relationships—I’m just fine on my own.
  4. I’m too busy to date your friend. Why is it that if you’re single, people assume you spend every evening alone, sipping tea surrounded by cats? My calendar may not be filled with hot dates, but it’s packed with activities and time spent with my loved ones. Frankly, I don’t know how I’d fit another person in.
  5. My taste in men isn’t ‘generic, nice single guy.’ Unless their friend is a hot, slightly nerdy guy with an amazing sense of humor, just the right amount of stubble and enough charisma to be introduced to my mom, I’m not interested. Being “nice” and single just doesn’t cut it when it comes to romance. I need to be attracted to a guy because he ticks all the right boxes, not because he’s the only single one left.
  6. Whose happy ending begins with scraping the barrel? I can just imagine sitting down to tell my grandkids about the electrifying moment when I found “The One.” “Well, it turned out we were the only single people left in town, so we thought we might as well give it a try.” Just as my friends have found love in the most unlikely places, I’m holding out to do the same.
  7. I want to know my date better than my friends do. If I let my friends set me up, they’ll know all about my date before I’ve said as much as “hello.” The joy of dating is in getting to know a new person, then debriefing every single minute of the time spent together with your closest friends. It just wouldn’t feel the same if my girls already knew all about my new love interest.
  8. Why is he single, anyway? If this guy is as much of a catch as they’re making out, why the hell is he single? I’ve come of age in a cutthroat dating world where, for some reason, eligible women always far outnumber the available men. If this guy was anything like as perfect as they’ve made him out to be, he’d have been snapped up long ago.
  9. If he didn’t make the cut to date them, I’m not having sloppy seconds. If this guy’s been friend-zoned by them, what makes them think he’s so right for me? Maybe once you’ve been single for a while, people assume you’ll lower your standards. I’m not interested in trying out anyone’s sloppy seconds—I’ll find love the way it suits me.
  10. What if it didn’t work out? The idea of their best friend falling in love with your partner’s high school buddy oozes romance, but what about the thought of their best friend having a very mediocre date with their partner’s buddy, who decides not to bother arranging another one? Since this is the reality of most dates I go on, there’s no assuming a date with their friend will be any different. The only thing that will change is that it will be much more difficult for me to spend time with their partner.
  11. I can find a date on my own terms. Wanting to help find me a date comes from a good place, but the reality is too nauseating to consider. When I find love, it’ll be on my own terms, not at the convenience of someone else. In the meantime, I’m happy staying single.
Isobel is a freelance blogger and writer for hire specialising in content for millennials who haven't quite got it together yet (i.e. herself). When not glued to her laptop, she enjoys eating cheese, doing yoga and spending time with family and friends.