We’d only been dating for about six months, but he was starting to get on my nerves a little bit. While I realize that’s a bit early to leave the honeymoon stage, what I didn’t know was that those little annoyances were indicative of a much bigger problem.
He was loud. Had someone increased the volume in here? It felt like every time my ex opened his mouth, he was screaming. I just wanted to be in a quiet place. Maybe it just felt like he was loud because I didn’t have much to say to him anymore so he did most of the talking. Either way, it was obnoxious AF.
He was needy. Well, not really. He just wanted to see me a few times a week and kept pressuring me to spend the weekend at his place. That’s pretty normal, but I just found myself getting really irritable whenever he suggested it. Anything he needed from me felt like it was too much!
He made a lot of empty promises. He could see I was irritated around him a lot (read: I was actually moody a lot of the time because I wanted out but hadn’t clicked that that’s what I wanted), so he tried to promise me that he’d be better. For instance, he’d stop spending so much money and he’d stop drinking so much when we went to parties on the weekend. He was trying really hard but I just wasn’t in the mood to hear it.
He kept “checking in.” This used to infuriate me! He’d check in to see that we were OK. Clearly, he could tell that I wasn’t really present a lot of the time when we were together, and I don’t blame him for being worried that he was losing me, but it just felt like he was a broken record. What made me more irritable was that I always felt guilty for getting mad at him for checking in. Ugh.
He chewed too loudly. It never used to bother me before, but now it was all I could hear when we met for lunch. There’s even a word for this irritation that can be triggered by things like loud breathing or loud chewing: misophonia. Interestingly, it didn’t bother me when other people chewed or breathed noisily, only when my partner did.
His humor suddenly seemed childish. I remember when his humor had made me laugh so many times. Now, when he did something silly to get a laugh out of me, he just seemed like a child. Ugh. He hadn’t changed, so clearly I’d changed and what used to charm me was now grating on me.
I preferred time with my friends over him. It’s sad but true: I wanted to be around my BFFs more than my BF any day of the week. I felt like when I was with them, I could properly relax. I didn’t realize how tense I was around my BF until I went out with special friends—I could physically feel my body stop seizing up every single time I was with him.
He made me angry over nothing. From being a peaceful person, suddenly the smallest thing could throw me over the edge! If he didn’t text me back within an hour or went on and on about his work day, I’d want to flip. It was crazy, but a clear sign that something was wrong and I was growing really tired of him. Of course, he wasn’t making me angry—I was just feeling angry and there was a bigger reason for it.
I felt too lazy to text him. At the start of our relationship, I always wanted to text him. When he texted me first, I’d rush to reply. But suddenly, I didn’t care if I went without texting him for hours or even days at a time. Every time his name popped up on my phone’s screen, I felt my heart sink into my shoes.
He was just too nice. I always liked that he was a nice guy, although a red flag early on in our relationship was that he was way too nice sometimes. Now that we’d been dating for months, all I saw was the “too nice” part. When I was annoyed and took it out on him, he never reacted. What, was he trying to kill me with kindness? He ended every text with a heart emoji, without fail. He always told me how amazing I was, even when I wasn’t really feeling amazing. It felt like he was just putting on an act to be liked and I started to resent him for it.
I hated his sleeping habits. Sleeping in the same bed with a romantic partner should feel good. Sure, there’ll be nights where I battle to sleep or whatever, but that has nothing to do with my BF. But with my ex, I started dreading going to sleep in the same bed with him. He’d be on the internet on his phone long into the night while I was trying to sleep. When I moaned about it, he said it had never bugged me before, so why was it a problem now? Easy: I was losing patience with him because I was over him.
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