I Love My Independence But The Guys I Meet Can’t Handle It

I’ve never depended on anyone except myself and I’m really proud of all that I’ve accomplished on my own. However, when it comes to dating, most guys I meet are intimidated by my independence and just can’t handle dating me. WTF?

  1. They’re tired of chasing me. Most guys like a little bit of a chase, but I make guys go through the damn ringer just for the chance to go out with me, and most of them aren’t up to the challenge. I’ve only ever relied on myself, so when a guy wants to get in there with me, it’s going to take a lot more effort than just “asking me out.” It’s not like I’m waiting up in my tower for someone to rescue me, so if someone wants to date me, they’ll need to put in the effort. Unfortunately, most guys will quit after they hear the first “no.”
  2. I always seem to be alone. Although being independent makes me feel really great about myself, I always seem to be the one without a date. I think a lot of guys get the vibe that I don’t need a relationship, so they don’t even try with me. My ideal would be a relationship where I still feel like I have my independence and freedom, but that’s kinda hard to come by.
  3. I have a hard time keeping a relationship once I get it. Once I do get involved with someone, it’s really hard to hold onto them due to my self-sufficient way of life. Guys usually like to be the ones who take care of the girl, but I don’t want that. I want to still have control over things and most guys I’ve dated just can’t seem to handle it.
  4. It takes a very specific kind of person to be able to be with me. My ideal partner is someone who respects a woman’s need to figure things out on her own. I don’t want someone to save me or protect me — I’m my own savior, and I need someone who will encourage and empower me, not literally DO everything for me. Unfortunately, a guy like that seems almost impossible to find.
  5. I’ll always put my career before a relationship. I am and always will be a career woman before a housewife. I have big plans for myself especially when it comes to my career and I need a guy who won’t be intimidated by my drive for success. If I get an opportunity to advance my career in any way, you’d best believe I’m going to take it no matter what it means for my relationship. I get that it could make me seem like a bit of a bitch, but oh well.
  6. I have an aggressive energy and that’s scary for some guys. I’m not one of those cutesy girls who waits in the corner for a guy to come talk to her. I’m a little… loud, you could say, and maybe also a little intense. So many guys get intimidated by that because, as the stereotype goes, men should be the louder, more outspoken of the genders and women should be the more sweet and quiet ones. Most guys actually get annoyed at me for being the center of attention all the time, but it’s not my fault — it’s just the way I am.
  7. I have super high standards. As an independent woman, I don’t hide away in relationships; in fact, I’ve spent most of my young adult life single and that’s exactly the way I like it. It takes a lot for me to give up my routine and dive into a relationship with someone, they have to be pretty much perfect and if they’re not, I won’t even go out on one date with them. I end up missing out on a lot of relationships that “could have been” because of my all or nothing attitude.
  8. I make it seem like I don’t need a relationship at all. Sometimes I catch myself hinting at the guy I’m with that it’s not going to last or that I probably won’t see him for the next few days or he’ll probably never meet my parents. A part of me is doing it to play hard to get, yes, but another part of me is saying these things to set up the boundaries in the possible relationship to come. A lot of guys will take this as a sign that I don’t want to be with them and will leave me pretty quickly as soon as I start making these boundaries.
  9. I can’t stand PDA. As a girl who runs her own world, I don’t like being seen as part of a couple. Is that weird? Maybe it’s all those feminist books I’ve been reading. I don’t like the idea of a woman being led around by a man. It just doesn’t feel right to me and some guys take offense to that.
  10. I act like I have my life handled even when I don’t. Even if my life was falling apart, you would never know. I don’t like asking for help from people because what if they let me down? I’ve never depended on a partner fully, but it might be nice to balance myself out in that way and accept help or support when it’s given. Maybe then I won’t be perpetually single. 
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.