I Thought Mediocre Sex Was Great Until I Met A Guy Who Was Mind-Blowingly Amazing At It

Like most people, I’ve had some awful sex and some pretty damn good sex, but there was one man I dated who stood out from the rest in the best way possible. Our connection in bed was undeniable but beyond that, he knew how to take sex to the next level. I sometimes worry that I’ll never find another sexual partner as good as him, but I’m also grateful to him for raising my standards in bed.

  1. The chemistry was off the hook. It’s amazing how far basic sexual chemistry will take you. The first time we had sex wasn’t necessarily a 10 out of 10, but when are first times perfect? We still had a great time. Our bodies worked together like two parts of a machine and we were so drawn to each other that we had to keep coming back for more to unlock the sexual potential we knew we had.
  2. He got pleasure from my pleasure. I’ve always been the kind of girl who gets turned on watching my partner enjoying himself, but I’ve never had that feeling reciprocated quite so much as I did with this guy. He constantly watched my face to make sure I liked what he was doing and he prioritized my sexual satisfaction. Knowing that he was really enjoying getting me off was a massive turn-on for me as well, and it took sex to another level for both of us.
  3. We were both focused on giving just as much as receiving. Yes, both of us enjoyed receiving oral and being the center of each other’s sexual attention but we split the giving and getting ratio 50/50. Sex with him was balanced without feeling like it was forced—we both just wanted to make sure the other person was having a good time too. It wasn’t like I’d never had a guy try to get me off before, but I’d never slept with anyone who was as invested in my orgasm as I was in his.
  4. We both kept open minds. We’d try (almost) anything once. If we didn’t like it, there was no pressure to do it again but there was no kink-shaming in our sex life either. Having the freedom to suggest new things to try helped both of us relax more. I was never worried about telling him something I was into and being ridiculed or otherwise embarrassed. Knowing that our sex life always had the potential for more creativity allowed us to not only have more fun but also opened the door for better orgasms.
  5. There was just the right amount of kissing. Kissing during sex is tricky because not enough makes it feel shallow and too much can be distracting. With him, there was a perfect balance that each of us seemed to instinctively know. Our lips were drawn to each other during the right moments, never at a time when it made us pause at an unnatural time or a thrust would make us clack our teeth into each other. It was amazing how such a small thing could make such a huge difference in bed.
  6. My orgasm didn’t feel like a checkmark on a to-do list. I used to feel like I hit the lottery when guys tried to make me climax at all, but with this guy, the intent behind the effort seemed different. He genuinely enjoyed getting me off and rarely stopped trying after one orgasm. I felt like most of my previous sexual partners only wanted to make me come because they wanted to be seen as being “good in bed,” but this guy felt like he was making my orgasm THE purpose of us hooking up.
  7. Our arousal was perfectly in sync. There was rarely a moment when I was horny and he wasn’t or vice versa. Our sexual rhythm seemed to line up perfectly, and even when we got things started, we warmed up at the same speed and intensity and were ready for the same things at the same times. Neither of us was ever left waiting for the other person to be ready for things like oral or intercourse (unless we were in the teasing mood and made each other wait, of course) — when I was ready to take things to the next step, so was he and it made foreplay and sex feel seamless.
  8. We didn’t skip foreplay. I can’t believe there was ever a time when I was content with not getting enough foreplay before intercourse. I’ve always loved it, but most of the guys I’d hooked up with — even the “good” ones — seemed to just consider it the preview of the main event. This guy, however, treated it like PART of the main event. He took his time undressing, kissing, and touching, and by the time intercourse actually happened, I was dying for him to be inside me.
  9. We communicated effectively. I love talking about sex. I get that not everyone does, but it’s necessary when you’re sleeping with someone. Even with the better sexual partners that I had in the past, there were a lot of wants or needs left unsaid (on my part and theirs) that could’ve made decent sex way better. With this guy, there was never any fear from either person about expressing desires in the bedroom. Communicating openly and honestly not only helped us to understand exactly what we wanted but also allowed us to trust each other more and build up a stronger connection.
  10. He didn’t just focus on obvious body parts. It’s no secret that there are more erogenous zones than just the genitals and the guys I THOUGHT I was having great sex certainly didn’t neglect them. But this guy had a way of making every body part seem sexy. He traced his fingers down my arms in a way that gave me chills (in a good way) and he had a way of turning me on just by kissing my back in the morning. He made me feel like every part of me was hot, and that boosted my confidence — and in turn, my performance — in the sack.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.