Modern Dating Makes Me Feel Incredibly Alone

Everyone wants to fall in love, but the only way to get to that point is to date. Unfortunately, the reality is that dating sucks — and that’s putting it lightly. In fact, looking for love is incredibly isolating and sometimes downright depressing.

  1. Guys text me hot and cold. I know it’s not just me because my girls are going through the same kind of BS. I spend a full night with my thumbs plastered to my iPhone keyboard but the next morning I wake up to zero text messages. I send messages to guys and get radio silence for days on end. Then all of a sudden, they want to hang out last minute and the process repeats all over again. I don’t know what we are to each other or where the relationship is going. It’s torture.
  2. Hookup culture is everywhere. I go into relationships thinking it’s more than just sex and we might actually have a chance at building something real. Silly me. Nine times out of 10, the guys I meet aren’t interested in a relationship. They don’t want anything more than to get laid, and once I put out, they’ll be gone — that is, unless they get lonely at night again. I don’t get to be a girlfriend, I get to be a booty call or a one-night stand. Either way, when it comes to emotional support, I’m left stranded.
  3. There are too many cheaters and too many ways to cheat. There’s no excuse or justification for cheating and yet it continues. Guys could just tell me they’re unhappy so we could try to work things out or they could even just break up with me — honestly, anything is better than being cheated on. Between emotional affairs, sexual affairs, and sexting (and that’s just the tip of the iceberg), modern dating has made it way too easy to cheat and sadly far too common. Nothing makes a girl feel more alone than that kind of betrayal.
  4. Everyone seems to be against relationship statuses. People want to keep their “labels” hidden, but this only seems to create confusion. I meet seemingly great guys and things are going great between us… until I realize it was never just the two of us, it was three — me, them, and their actual girlfriends. They were in relationships from day one and never felt the need to tell me. I’m suddenly and unwittingly the “other woman.” They make me the accomplice to their crimes and I’m none the wiser. Not only do I end up alone once again but I make girls I don’t even know lonely too.
  5. Most guys I’ve met don’t give honest answers about breakups. All I want to know is why. I get that breaking up means the relationship is officially over, but I still want a reason as to why our fairytale fell apart. Regardless of the fact that we’re no longer together, if they ever loved me or even cared about me at all then they owe me that much. I deserve to know why my love story is ending but alas, I never will. If I’m doing something wrong in the game of love, I just wish someone would be nice enough to tell me.
  6. A lot of guys can’t seem to make up their minds. How do they really feel about me? I never really know. There are so many mixed signals that I can never seem to figure out whether or not guys are really feeling it or just bored. I wish they could just make up their damn minds already because there’s nothing lonelier than sitting around waiting to hear how they feel. Modern dating is just plain immature, and I wish everyone could just grow the hell up.
  7. People actually make other people their backup plans. I don’t know why we all can’t agree that this is cruel beyond belief. I’ve been with guys who were still dreaming of the ones that got away. I had no idea that I wasn’t their first choice and that they were simply settling for me because they couldn’t have who they really wanted. That would have been nice to know before I fell madly in love with them. When I finally found out the truth, I felt more alone than ever.
  8. No one seems to want to make an effort anymore. Modern dating is so lazy. People just wait for problems to go away on their own rather than facing their relationship’s issues head-on. Problems don’t just go away. Relationships are about communication, but some guys avoid actually talking like it’s the plague. Every couple fights and every relationship has its issues, but when guys refuse to confront them and leave me alone to fix them, I feel like I’m forever stuck in limbo.
  9. My exes have no respect for former relationships. My exes seem to have no problem going after my friends once we’re through. As if the breakup didn’t hurt enough, now they have to twist the knife a bit more by hitting on one of my girlfriends. There are plenty of single women left in the world that I don’t know, so why can’t my exes try dating outside of my circle? Moving on to one of my friends just makes me feel like I never meant anything to my former boyfriends and it makes me wonder if I’ll ever really mean anything to anyone.
  10. No one wants to make a real commitment. At some point, the fact that guys  “aren’t ready” isn’t a valid excuse anymore. I wait patiently. I don’t rush things. In fact, if I let relationships move any slower, they’d be going backward. This means I’m forced to face the fact that they’ll never be ready for something serious. Maybe it’s them, but maybe it’s me. Either way, the hope I had for a relationship gets ripped away and modern dating leaves me feeling incredibly alone once again.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.
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