If you’ve had two dates with the guy you’ve started seeing and he asks you out for a third time this week, maybe you should go to your dance class instead and take a rain-check with him. Experts say that more than two dates per week is the limit. Sounds crazy? It’s really not about the number, but just making sure that you don’t see the guy all the time. Here’s why it’s so important.
You give your feelings time to brew. According to Scott Carroll, a psychologist who’s the author of “Don’t Settle: How To Marry The Man You Were Meant For,” if you only see the guy twice a week, you have time away from him to allow your feelings to come to the surface. It makes sense. If he’s always right in front of you looking sexy AF, he could be distracting you from what you really feel. You need some time alone to process things.
You learn what he’s like when he hears “no.” When he asks you out and you say yes all the time, you don’t get a chance to see what he’s like when you dish him a “no.” He might be a douchebag who can’t take no for an answer or a pushy guy who tries to run through your boundaries. You should know this early on before things get serious.
You don’t chase an illusion. Just because you and the guy are seeing each other all the time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re becoming more intimate. Remember, it takes months and sometimes even years to really get to know each other, so pace yourself.
You don’t rush through milestones. Instead of taking it slow and getting to know each other in different situations, if you’re seeing him too much you risk rushing through milestones. The result? You exhaust your new relationship instead of allowing it to grow.
You don’t make yourself too available. He’s asking you out again even though you just saw him last night, and you’re raring to go. Although it’s fun to run with that excitement you have to see him, if you’re changing your schedule for him all the time, you’re giving him the impression that you didn’t have a life before he came along. It’s not healthy to ignore the rest of your life, anyway.
You don’t make him number one. If you’re always keen to chat and hang out all day, you show him that he’s a priority. That makes him see you as less of a challenge. He should earn your time!
You don’t get love-bombed. A guy who comes on too strong in the beginning, who wants to see you all the time and showers you with loads of attention, can be creepy instead of romantic. He might have a hidden agenda, such as trying to get you to like him so that he can take advantage of you. Keep a bit of a clear head so you don’t become the victim of this.
You don’t stamp out the spark. If you spend too much time together, you become used to each other too soon. That not only makes your relationship less interesting, but you kill the spark! There’s something to be said for a bit of mystery in the early stages of a relationship. It’s attractive AF.
You get a good communication mix going. If you’re always seeing each other and not communicating via phone or text, you’re missing out. Different types of communication give you different insights into what a guy’s about. He might, for instance, be more willing to open up about himself via text than in face-to-face conversation. If you never text each other, you’re missing out on that side of things.
No one looks desperate. He might see you as desperate if you’re always keen to make plans. Likewise, you might think he’s a tad desperate if he can’t seem to get enough of you and it’s only been three dates. Take your time so you can see that he’s not just chasing you out of some crazy desperation or loneliness.
You get a chance to miss each other. Time away from the guy you’ve started dating is also important because it gives you a chance to see what you think of him when he’s not around. Do you miss him or do you find that you can go days without even thinking about him much?
You get to see if he’s serious. If a guy’s serious about you, he’ll make his intentions clear from the beginning and want to see you—but he won’t be rushing into a relationship. He’ll be able to pace himself and that quality is important because it shows you that he’s in this for the long haul. He’s not a fly-by-night dater who wants to rush in, bed you, and then run in the other direction—or after someone else. By holding back the tiniest bit, you can gauge if he’s here to stay or the type to lose interest as quickly as he shows it.
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