My Boyfriend And I Never Look Through Each Other’s Phones — And That’s A Good Thing

I have absolutely nothing to hide from my boyfriend but I still wouldn’t like it if he looked through my phone. If he felt the need to do that, I’d see it as him lacking trust in me and that would really make me question the relationship. Of course, it works both ways—I’d never look through his phone either. Here’s why:

1. I trust him completely. Honestly, I wouldn’t stay in a relationship with someone who I didn’t trust. When he tells me something, I take his word for it. Looking at his phone, with or without his permission, would feel like I was looking for something shady because I had suspicions. I don’t. I know that he always tells me the truth and that’s enough for me.
2. He’s never asked to look through my phone. Not once has he asked to “borrow” my phone and I think that proves he trusts me. Let’s imagine I caught him looking through my messages without asking—that would be a red flag. In fact, that might even be a reason to break up. There’s absolutely no excuse for snooping, especially when I’ve done nothing to arouse suspicion.
3. We’ve never spoken about it. For some couples, this could be a dealbreaker. If your partner doesn’t let you use their phone, you can assume that they’re cheating, right? Definitely not, and we’ve never even had a discussion about it. I know that if I looked through his phone, I wouldn’t find anything that would cause me to worry—and I know that he feels the same because if he didn’t trust me, we wouldn’t be together. It’s as simple as that.
4. I’d feel embarrassed. We all have stuff on our phones that we don’t really want anyone to see, least of all the person we’re dating. I have pictures and messages on my phone that I don’t have any explanation for (some are downright humiliating) and even though my boyfriend shouldn’t judge me for it, I’d still feel apprehensive about letting him see it.
5. We know how to communicate like adults. If there’s something bothering me, I’ll let him know face to face and vice versa. Communication and opening up are very important to us, and without that, it would really put a strain on the relationship. I’d hate to be with someone who constantly needed to look through my phone for clarification—that’s a huge turn-off! When I tell my boyfriend something, I expect him to take my word for it and that’s exactly how it should be.
6. Checking each other’s phones becomes addictive. Just like checking Twitter and Instagram, it can become a habit. I had a friend who would look through her boyfriend’s phone whenever he left the room and it quickly became obsessive. Ultimately, her need for reassurance ruined the relationship. I don’t want to put my boyfriend or myself through the same thing and that’s why I’d rather avoid looking at his phone completely.
7. I’ve never thought about snooping. Honestly, there have been loads of times when I could have snooped if I really wanted to but the temptation is never there. I understand that there have to be boundaries in a relationship and this is a line that I wouldn’t cross. Sure, he would never know that I invaded his privacy, but why risk everything to prove what I already know? It’s not something that’s ever crossed my mind, to be honest.
8. I’ve never caught him snooping. If I ever did catch him red-handed, it would completely ruin what we have because I could never be with someone who doesn’t trust me. Snooping is bordering on obsessive, controlling behavior and ultimately, it could destroy any relationship. I’m certain that he would never risk what we have to look through my phone—it’s just not worth it.
9. Some things should be kept private. It’s not a bad thing to want just a little bit of privacy and it doesn’t mean that I’m trying to hide anything either. Still, there are some things I’d rather keep to myself and I’d hope that he would respect that.
10. There’s no reason he should want to. What do you really get out of looking through your partner’s phone? It either eases the doubts that you shouldn’t be having or creates new reasons to be suspicious, and either one isn’t a good sign. My boyfriend shouldn’t feel the need to look at my phone anyway, and I’d be quite offended if he asked. If he wants to see what’s on there, I’m assuming it’s because he doesn’t completely trust me, and that could signal a big problem ahead.
11. Either way, it’s not a big deal. At the end of the day, if my boyfriend suggested that we start looking through each other’s phones, I would at least hear him out. Maybe one day we’ll have the talk about technology and set some rules, but for now, I’m happy with the way things are.