I’ve Never Been In A Relationship & Probably Never Will Be—By Choice

I’ve been single for my entire adult life, but please don’t feel sorry for me. I’ve chosen to avoid relationships and I have no regrets—here’s why.

  1. I’m naturally an extremely independent personIt feels sort of ridiculous to say, but my independence is not up for discussion or compromise. I’m the kind of person who enjoys alone time and doing things for myself. I’ve found that having a significant other can weaken that sense of confidence I have from being an extremely independent person. Staying single allows me to have the freedom and independence that I’ve always relished and am not willing to give up.
  2. I never have to compromise on my emotions. It may be something so small to others, but allowing myself to actually feel my emotions, whatever they may be, helps make me a stronger, happier, healthier person. Knowing how those feelings of anger, happiness, or sadness affect me teaches me how to handle those situations better in the future. When you’re in a relationship, you have to be able to express these emotions to your partner whether you understand them or not. Being single, I’m able to take the time to actually process whatever it is I’m feeling and learn from it.
  3. I don’t have to sacrifice my needs for someone else’s. Being single allows me to put my needs first. This may sound selfish, and maybe that’s because it is, but at the end of the day, my needs are what matter most. Seeing my coupled up friends feeling upset because they’re sacrificing the things they want and need for their relationship really upsets me.
  4. I focus on my friendships and myself. One of the benefits of being single is that I have the time in my life to focus on the people who matter most to me. My friends have always been a central part of my life and I know that I can depend on them no matter what. Having these people who support and listen to me makes me feel fulfilled in a way I imagine a romantic relationship makes others feel. I also have plenty of time to work on myself, mentally and physically. Being comfortable in my own skin and with the people I surround myself with makes my life feel easier and stress-free.
  5. I don’t need someone to validate who I am. I’ve always been confident in myself and my choices. Knowing that some people need validation from a significant other makes me happy that I somehow found a way to feel secure all on my own. Of course, there are annoying things that happen like my acne flaring up, my makeup not looking quite right, or hating everything in my closet, but overall I feel good about who I am on a day to day basis, no partner needed.
  6. My career comes firstThis is a deal breaker in my life. My future and career will always come first. I am a writer, meaning that I write my feelings exactly as they are no matter what the subject. Some people can’t handle that and I won’t compromise because being a writer is who I am. No matter what it is that I want to do with my life, it’s my decision and I’ll always make it a priority.
  7. I typically have better friendships with men. It sounds cliché, but I’ve had a solid group of male friends throughout my life. It’s been a running joke with my sister that somehow I’m always surrounded by men but I’m never dating any of them. I can’t explain why I have better friendships with men, I just do, and that’s totally fine by me.
  8. I don’t need someone else to make my life fun. I’ve heard it over and over again: being in a relationship makes your life more exciting. But what if my life is already exciting? I never understood the idea that you need a significant other to make your life fun. I have plenty of people in my life who make every day interesting in the best way possible. I’m happy with how my life is now, and I don’t need a man to change that.
  9. I can do what I want when I want. It may seem childish or silly, but being able to do whatever it is I feel like doing—traveling or changing my career or even something as small as staying home on the weekends—is the best part of being single. There’s no other way to say it. Yes, there are people I care about and consider in my overall choices, but generally speaking, I do what I want when I want and I don’t feel bad about that.
  10. Single life isn’t so bad. I’m able to always be myself and that makes me feel secure and happy in who I am. Being single doesn’t mean being alone anyway. I’m surrounded by an incredible support group that is there for me no matter what. Maybe one day I’ll change my mind, but for now I’m completely content with my life as-is, no relationship needed.
Cheyanne is a freelance writer and journalist living in Los Angeles. She is a people watching enthusiast who aspires to be more like Karen Walker. She has been published on Elite Daily, The Huffington Post, and ThoughtCatalog. You can find her on Twitter or Instagram @cheydunn.