There’s nothing worse than wasting your time dating someone when you’re pretty sure it isn’t going to work out. That’s what I’d feel like if I were to date someone going through a divorce.
I’d feel like the rebound chick. If I’m dating someone, I want to be sure that he’s not using me to get over someone else and that it’s not just a matter of time before he dumps me. Even if he swears he’s ready for another real relationship, how would I know for sure that I’m not the rebound? I can’t be in a relationship like that.
I wouldn’t be sure that he’s had enough time to heal. If he were still in the process of divorcing his wife, I’d feel like it hasn’t been long enough for him to fully recover. And if he doesn’t have closure, it’d never work out between us anyway. Even if he claimed to be ready to dive back into dating, I’d have trouble believing it because maybe he just won’t admit it or doesn’t realize it yet.
I wouldn’t want to deal with an ex-wife. An ex-girlfriend is one thing, but an ex-wife is a completely different story. Even if she’s the nicest person on the planet, some animosity is bound to develop between us, which is understandable since she was a huge part of his life. If she’s mean and crazy, on the other hand, then that’s an even bigger reason not to date the guy. That could lead to a complete disaster.
I wouldn’t want to get caught in the middle. Unless the divorce is amicable—and let’s face it, that’s pretty rare—then I’d stress about being caught in the middle. I definitely don’t want to be involved in any of their disputes. I also wouldn’t want to risk giving the ex-wife any reason to dislike me because it could put a huge strain on our new relationship. She might be a part of his life even after the divorce is final, especially if they have kids together. If she doesn’t like me, I’m screwed.
I’d constantly worry about how his children felt. If he had any, that is. His kids would be involved too, and I feel like there’s almost no way they’d be ready for another woman in their dad’s life before the divorce was even final. I couldn’t live with putting his kids through that. They deserve time to adjust to their new situation too, and I wouldn’t want to risk hurting them.
There might be a chance that he doesn’t go through with it. If the divorce isn’t final yet, he might decide at some point that he wants to get back together with his soon to be ex-wife. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to try again, and I wouldn’t want to get in the way of a reconciliation. And I wouldn’t want to risk getting hurt like that.
I feel like his friends and family wouldn’t be accepting. If the guy is currently going through a divorce, his friends and family are probably going to be hesitant about him bringing someone new into his life, for good reason. It makes sense that they might feel like he’s not ready (I’d have the same doubts, after all). They might be very protective of him because they wouldn’t want him to potentially go through another breakup so soon. They’d be judgmental of me for that reason, which would cause tension in our relationship. It’s not worth it to me.
I’d feel like he’d constantly be comparing me to her. I’d know he’s interested in getting to know me if he wants to date me while he’s in the middle of a divorce, however, I’d worry that he’d always be comparing me to his ex. He loved her enough to want to spend the rest of his life with her at one point, so what if I never measure up? Maybe I’m being insecure, but I can’t help that it’d be a nagging worry for me. I’d be the brand new girlfriend, so how would I compete with the ex-WIFE?
I wouldn’t want it hanging over our heads. He’d probably want to talk about the divorce a lot because it’s obviously a big deal and is extremely painful and difficult. I wouldn’t want that to become all we talk about though. It’d feel like a huge dark cloud is hanging over us. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to be in a relationship that is about moving forward and not about living in the past. I want a relationship that I know I can be optimistic about. Sorry, but I’m not sorry.
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