You’ve met this kind of guy — maybe you’ve even dated him. He takes no responsibility for anything in his life, and his past relationships all ended not because he did anything wrong (because he definitely didn’t) but because his ex-girlfriends were all “totally crazy.” RED FLAG! If a guy dismisses all the women he’s dated before as insane, you’re probably better off steering clear. Here’s why.
“Crazy” is a catch-all term that guys like this use to discount women. Seriously, what does he mean by this? He thinks they’re literally certifiable? Unlikely, and if so, the fact that he’d dismiss legit mental illnesses as “crazy” is a problem. It’s more likely that once he and his encountered problems or broke up, she just so happened to conveniently become insane because that write-off is easier than admitting that he may have been at fault in any way. Ugh, grow up.
“Crazy” likely means “reacting to something in a way he doesn’t like.” I don’t consider myself crazy in the least, but I’m sure I have an ex or two who loves to label me as such. Are you in the same boat? Honestly, you can never know for sure that a person is trustworthy. You can know that it’s completely screwed up for him to lead you on or lie to you or confuse you… and then dismiss you as “crazy” when you call him out on it! This is a BS cop out that men have been using for centuries to distract from their own terrible behavior.
It’s just as likely that his exes are calling him a jerk. There are two sides to every story. You can be sure that if the relationship ended badly enough that he’s smearing her name all over town, she’s probably doing the same to him. Usually, when a guy labels his exes as nuts, it’s because he did something screwed up or unforgivable and she, yes, went crazy on him. She was justified, but because she didn’t just lie down and take his crap, now she’s a psycho. Complete BS.
He shouldn’t be talking about his exes to begin with. Here’s a red flag for ya — regardless of what he’s saying about his past loves, why is he even bringing them up in the first place? Yeah, it might happen once in a while in the context of something else. If it’s happening very soon in your dating story though, you should probably take a step back. Either he’s not over some other girl, he’s comparing you to his exes (ew), or he’s got some weird grudge issues that aren’t your problem.
If he does, he should speak of them respectfully. If he ever does bring up past girlfriends, he should do it minimally and with consideration. He should know better than to bad mouth other women in front of a woman he’s trying to impress. It’s not attractive. You want to know that you’re dating a mature adult and this certainly will not give you confidence in that. It’s a petty, immature man who trash talks those who he once loved.
How a man refers to past relationships says a lot about him. The funny thing is, while he’s cutting them down, he’s actually telling you all about his own character. He doesn’t realize that it’s not so much a reflection on them as it is on him. Anyone that speaks poorly of those in his life isn’t someone you want around. Kick this loser to the curb. He’s not going to be worth it.
He might be a misogynist. At the very least, he doesn’t understand or listen to women. At worst, he’s using and abusing them. Dismissively calling women crazy for having their own justifiable emotions and behaviors is BS. It’s a chauvinist attempt to belittle them and treat them as if they don’t matter. They weren’t nuts as long as they fulfilled his every wish and need, but as soon as they didn’t like what he was doing they became that way. Something’s fishy here.
Someday he will say the same about you. How can you possibly date a man like this when you know that eventually he’ll be calling you the crazy ex? No, thank you! You have to wonder how he’s going to talk about you to people while you’re together, and if you break up, who knows what crazy stuff he’ll spread around. It’s not worth the headache and the drama. Go find a decent man who doesn’t treat his exes like crap.
He’s probably only revealing the convenient parts of the truth. A guy like this only tells you what he wants you to hear. Perhaps she went nuts because she found out he cheated on her. Perhaps he kept leading her on after their breakup, giving her hope that they could reconcile when he had no intention of doing so. In context, the reactions of his exes are completely valid… so he eliminates some important details in order to make himself look good.
Usually a woman has a damn good reason for acting “crazy.” You’ve probably been called crazy by at least one man in the past. Most women have. Either we’re all insane, which is highly improbable, or there’s some shady crap going down! The latter seems much more likely. Men love to get away with as much as women will let them, and once a girl finally throws down the hammer, they like to cry and whine about it. These guys need to get over themselves and grow the hell up. Start treating women with respect.