Have you ever wondered whether or not your boyfriend is totally over his ex? He insists he is and that you’re the only one for him, and maybe that’s true. However, if he’s doing anything to make you question the relationship in the slightest, you may inadvertently be playing the role of the rebound. Here are 11 signs he’s using you because he’s still in love with his ex.
1. You catch him stalking his ex on social media.
This is probably one of the biggest signs he’s using you to get over his ex. At the end of the day, if he was over the relationship and his previous girlfriend, he would feel no need to keep up with what she’s doing online or anywhere else. If he won’t stop scrolling through her Facebook feed or checking out her Insta, there’s an issue.
2. He’s still bitter about his ex.
Not only does he still talk about his ex, but everything he says about her sounds resentful — a huge sign that he’s not over the relationship! You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he talks about a past girlfriend. If he says something like, “I don’t think she ever really loved me,” he’s still hurt by how the relationship ended and most definitely not over it. He’s talking about his ex because he’s still thinking about his ex — could he be any more obvious?
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4. It’s been a few months and you still haven’t met his family.
Not only have you not met his family, they may not even know you exist. If his mom calls when you two are together and he doesn’t mention you even though you’re literally sitting only inches away from him then his family knows nothing about you. If he isn’t telling his parents about you, it’s because he knows deep down that you aren’t going to be around long. Ouch!
5. The relationship isn’t romantic.
Is the relationship more physical than emotional? Go ahead and take that as a sign. You can tell that you’re a rebound just by paying attention to your sex life. If the sex feels detached and consumes a good majority of the relationship, it’s rebound sex. Now, don’t mistake zero inhibitions sex for rebound sex — they can both be wild and intense, but only one of them helps someone forget about their ex (at least for a few minutes… maybe even seconds).
6. He doesn’t make plans for the future.
If a guy is really interested in you, he’ll make plans for the future. He may not be getting down on one knee proposing, but he’ll say small things that will make you know he’s not planning on breaking up with you next week. If he isn’t talking about the future, it’s because he’s not that serious about you. He knows that you’re temporary and he’s treating you as such — wake up and smell the coffee!
7. He’s way too eager to take things to the next level.
He went from 0 to 100 real fast! The relationship started off casual and then out of nowhere, he flipped the script. Now he’s texting you all the time and expecting you to see him every single day. This shouldn’t be a bad thing, but it seems a little fishy — probably because it’s not genuine. It’s too early in the relationship for him to be in love with you when he doesn’t even know you yet. If he’s overly enthusiastic about the relationship, it’s because he’s actively trying to convince himself that he’s happy. Don’t settle for someone who has to force their feelings for you.
8. You feel like you’re being compared to his last girlfriend.
He may not outright compare you to his ex, but you feel like he’s secretly judging. It’s like if you do something his ex wouldn’t do, he automatically thinks less of you. He may even throw out suggestions for how you should live your life. Interestingly enough, those suggestions relate directly back to his ex. If you feel like he’s replacing you with his ex-girlfriend, it’s because he is. This is one of the biggest signs he’s using you to get over his ex.
9. His friends are surprised he’s dating.
If you’ve met his friends, which is a big IF, they may be surprised that you two are dating. If they say something like, “Wow, I can’t believe he’s already dating,” or, “It’s good that he found you, his ex really did a number on him” — pause. It’s a sure sign that he’s not actually ready for a relationship. He may think he is, but he isn’t! If his friends are questioning the relationship, it’s because they know something you don’t.
10. His breakup was rough.
Did his ex break up with him? Uh oh! Was he blindsided and left heartbroken? There’s no way he’s over that, and if he says he is, he’s either a liar or a sociopath. No one is completely over their ex right after a breakup, and they shouldn’t be — it takes time to heal. If he says he’s over his ex and it’s only been a couple of weeks) he’s masking his pain and using you to help cover it up.
11. He basically forgets who you are.
He mixes up the details of your relationship with his past relationship. Sometimes he forgets that his girlfriend was the one who liked to hike and you’re the one who likes to marathon “Law & Order: SVU.” The kid is too busy thinking about his ex to realize that you aren’t her. What’s next? He’ll scream his ex’s name while you two are having sex? Don’t let it come to that — accept that you’re his rebound sooner than later.
12. He still hangs out with his ex.
If they just broke up but they’re still hanging out, you need to chuck up your deuces and go! I don’t care if their breakup was mutual (which it never is) — they shouldn’t be spending time together! And more importantly, you shouldn’t be with someone who can’t stop seeing their ex. Think about it. Why would they want to hang out together right after a breakup? Obviously, because they still have feelings for one another! Go ahead and bow out of that relationship — let those two love birds find their way back to each other.
13. He can’t commit.
He can talk about the relationship he had with his ex, but not the one he currently has with you. If he avoids the “R” word, it’s because he’s not ready for real commitment. You can’t blame him, especially if he just got out of a serious relationship. Having said that, he has no reason to be tagging you along for his single man journey. It’s fine that he wants to sow his wild oats, but don’t let him lead you on.
14. He wasn’t the one who was dumped in his last relationship.
This is one of the biggest signs he’s using you to get over his ex. Because he’s not the one who did the dumping, it’s safe to assume that if it was up to him, they’d still be together. He didn’t want to end the relationship and it’s possible that he wishes he could rekindle it. This is not a good sign.
15. He prioritizes his ex over you.
If both of you have an event happening on the same night, he’ll always have to skip out on yours because he “promised” his ex he’d be there. If he’s busy and doesn’t have much time for social gatherings one week, he’ll always make time for her and leave you hanging. Why is his ex more important than the woman he’s currently dating?
16. He still has a lot of sentimental items from his relationship with his ex.
Most of the time, when you end a relationship and get into another one, you do away with all the sentimental stuff from your past relationship. That’s not to say that you have to burn it in effigy, but you’d at least put it in a box and throw it in your garage or in the attic, right? If his apartment is full of stuff that reminds him of happy memories with his ex, he’s using you to get over her.
17. Everything reminds him of his ex.
Whether it’s a pizza topping, a song on the radio, or a dog you see in the park, everything reminds him of his ex. Worse still, he’s not shy about mentioning it. He sees no problem with waxing nostalgic with you about the woman who came before you, and that’s a pretty worrying sign. He obviously isn’t over her, so why is he dating you?
18. He’s “accidentally” called you by her name.
If he was with her for a really long time, it might be slightly excusable if he calls you by his ex’s name while you’re out grocery shopping one time. However, if this happens semi-often (or worse, it happens while you’re in bed), it’s clearly because she’s on his mind.
19. He tells his ex things before he tells you.
If you’re in a relationship, you should be the first person he comes to with any news, good or bad. He should want to tell you when he gets a promotion at work, gets in an argument with his mom, or when he’s discovered a new TV show or coffee place in town. If he’s going to his ex instead first and it always feels like you’re the second (or the last) to know, something isn’t quite right.
20. He’s still close to his ex’s family members.
When you end a relationship with someone, unless you have children together, your relationship with their family should end as well. That can be hard, especially if you were close to your ex’s parents, siblings, cousins, etc. However, it’s necessary to cut contact so that you can fully move on. If this guy is in regular contact with his ex’s mom or still has a WhatsApp chat with his brother, he clearly hasn’t walked away completely. Is it because he’s hoping for a reunion? It certainly seems like it.