Ever feel like you’re walking on eggshells around a particular person?
They might be the queen of drama, the king of demands, or simply exhausting to be around. Forbes put it best when they described high-maintenance folks as “unhealthy people producing a toxic energy drain.” They can drain your energy and test your patience, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Below are some no-nonsense tips for handling those big personalities, so you can protect your peace and sanity.
1. Don’t take it personally.
High-maintenance people often act out of their insecurities rather than intentionally targeting you. Understanding this helps you detach emotionally and react less intensely to their outbursts. Remember that their behavior is a reflection of them, not you, and don’t let their negativity derail your day. Easier said than done, of course, but practice makes perfect.
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2. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
Don’t feel obligated to be available 24/7, drop everything for their emergencies, or tolerate disrespect. Calmly state your limits and be consistent about enforcing them. When they start, you can say something like, “Sorry, I can’t talk right now. How about we chat tomorrow?” Being firm and consistent in upholding your boundaries teaches them what you will and won’t tolerate.
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3. Choose your battles wisely.
Not every little thing is worth engaging with. Can you overlook their slightly annoying habit if it saves you from a massive meltdown? Sometimes, choosing your own peace is the winning move. Remember, you don’t need to win every argument or correct every minor transgression – focus your energy on the issues that matter most.
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4. Give them a job if they want attention.
High-maintenance people often thrive when given some sense of control or responsibility. Can you delegate a task that plays to their strengths (and keeps them occupied)? This is probably easier if you’re in a position of authority, but it can work in any area of life if you get creative. Channeling their energy towards something productive can be beneficial for everyone involved.
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5. Offer solutions, not just sympathy.
Instead of getting sucked into their endless venting sessions, try offering practical solutions or suggesting next steps. This shifts the focus from endless complaining to actually solving the problem. Demonstrate that you’re invested in finding solutions, not just listening to complaints. As Entrepreneur points out, focusing on problems is a never-ending cycle since you’ll only find more where they came from.
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6. Say “that sounds tough” and move on.
Sometimes all they want is an audience. Validate their feelings with a simple acknowledgment, then change the subject or excuse yourself. You don’t need to solve their problems or offer lengthy advice. Don’t feel obligated to engage in every emotional outburst – offer a brief empathetic response and gracefully exit the conversation.
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7. Avoid unnecessary drama.
Got a friend who loves to gossip and thrives on conflict? Don’t feed the beast! Steer clear of sensitive topics and resist the urge to get involved in other people’s theatrics. Refuse to participate in gossip or get entangled in other people’s conflicts — they’re immature, unnecessary, and will only serve to ruin your reputation.
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8. Limit your exposure to them where possible.
If someone consistently drains you, it’s okay to distance yourself. This doesn’t mean cutting ties totally but perhaps switching from daily coffee dates to a monthly phone call. It’s perfectly acceptable to adjust your interactions with high-maintenance individuals to protect your own well-being.
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9. Don’t commit to anything right away.
Buy yourself time before agreeing to anything. Never feel pressured to instantly say “yes” to their demands. A simple “Let me check my calendar and get back to you” gives you space to decide if it’s actually feasible. Don’t let yourself get rushed into commitments you can’t keep or don’t want to make.
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10. Remember, it’s not about changing them.
You can’t fix a high-maintenance person, you can only deal with them, as Cosmopolitan points out. You can, however, manage your own interactions with them. Focus on protecting your own energy and well-being, not reforming their behavior. Accept that change has to come from them, and prioritize your own peace of mind.
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11. Direct and honest (but kind!) is your friend.
Instead of passive-aggressiveness or bottling up your frustration, calmly and directly address issues as they arise. Saying something like, “I’m not comfortable when you speak to me that way. Can we try having this conversation more respectfully?” can get your message across without escalating the situation unnecessarily. Open and honest communication sets a healthier tone for interactions and avoids built-up resentment.
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12. Don’t be afraid to say no.
Your limits are valid! If they ask for something unreasonable or you’re simply too overwhelmed, a firm “no” is okay. You don’t need to provide lengthy justifications or feel guilty for prioritizing your needs. Remember that saying “no” is a form of self-care and helps maintain healthy boundaries.
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13. Model the behavior you want.
Be the calm, rational presence in the face of their chaos. Reacting with equal intensity only escalates the situation. Take deep breaths and respond in a measured tone, showing them a healthier way to communicate. Leading by example can encourage more positive interactions over time.
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14. Seek support from other people.
Dealing with high-maintenance personalities can be exhausting. Talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist for support and to vent your frustrations in a healthy way. Having a compassionate listening ear can make all the difference in managing your own stress levels.
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15. Focus on what you can control.
You can’t change their behavior, but you can control your reactions and how much space you give them in your life. Focus on maintaining your own inner peace and protecting your energy. Remember that ultimately, their behavior is not a reflection of your worth and their negativity doesn’t have to become yours.
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16. Know when to walk away.
If a relationship with a high-maintenance person consistently leaves you feeling drained and disrespected, it might be time to re-evaluate. Sometimes, distancing yourself is the healthiest option for your well-being. Don’t hesitate to prioritize your own emotional health and happiness, even if that means setting firmer boundaries or limiting contact.
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