I’m Not Losing Sleep Over My Ex—If We Were Meant To Be Together, We Still Would Be

I spent too much time pining over my ex and mourning our breakup when the truth is that he was terrible for me (and kinda terrible in general, to be honest). Of course, hindsight is 20/20 and it’s only now that I’m smart enough to realize that if we were meant to be together, we still would be.

He didn’t put in nearly as much effort as I did. It takes two people to make a relationship work and when one person isn’t treating the other with respect and consideration, it’s bound to crumble. I was always making thoughtful gestures and going out of my way to put a smile on his face but he rarely made the effort to do the same for me. Now I see the truth—he simply doesn’t know how to treat a good woman well.

He wasn’t willing to own up to his mistakes. It was perfectly OK for him to call me out for any mistakes I’d made but when I pointed out things he did wrong, he was completely unapologetic. I was sick and tired of always being the one to apologize. I couldn’t comprehend why I was apologizing to someone who would never give me the same respect back when he was clearly in the wrong in many situations. Then I realized he was just a narcissist and I’m better off without his mind games.

I was made to feel like I was “crazy” for standing up for myself. I’ve never been the type to let hurtful things slide with the guy I’m dating and I fully expect to be called out for my mistakes the same way I call a guy out on his. He couldn’t handle my legitimate concerns and dismissed them, citing that I was “just crazy” when I had valid points for my discontentment. That’s not the type of man I want in my life.

I could tell early on that my strength and ambition intimidated him. He said things like, “Wow, so you’re pretty talented?” in a quizzical manner as if he was shocked a woman could possess brains, beauty, and a good heart. He knew I was strong, that I wouldn’t take any crap, and that I was going places in my life. Eventually, I’d had enough of his crap and I walked away.

I gave him more chances than he deserved. I’m the type of woman who gives my all in relationships. I believe that love is worth making an effort for and working through challenges together is a must. Unfortunately, I gave this guy far more than he deserved but I was too blinded to see it at times. He would play me for a fool and then put on the charm to pull me back in and I was a sucker. I know now that I gave him far too many lifelines and a guy who’s good enough for me wouldn’t dare test the limits the way that he did.

I saw through his lies and deceit. I feel as if women get pigeonholed into this situation far too often and I was one of them. I knew he was lying to me but I dismissed it as just my anxious mind playing tricks on me. I knew he was playing me for a fool while he surveyed his options and I remained loyal to him. I knew it and I didn’t want to believe it. In fact, I thought I had to work harder for his affection because his wandering eye meant that I wasn’t meeting his needs. Now I know it wasn’t my fault at all. It was simply because he was a loser who didn’t deserve someone as great and loyal I was to begin with.

If he was worth keeping, I would’ve fought harder. When push comes to shove, if I really knew in my heart that he was meant for me, I would have fought harder—but I didn’t and to me, that speaks volumes. It was as if somewhere deep down, my heart knew to stop fighting, to stop trying and torturing myself for his benefit. In the beginning, I was hopeful that he was my happily ever after. There were times when I truly thought he was the guy for me but he made it so easy to dismiss those thoughts when he started to show his true colors.

I don’t feel like I missed out on anything. I thought getting over him would have been the hardest thing I would ever have to do but I was surprised at how quickly and easily I bounced back. I got stronger, braver, and more ambitious and I checked new goals off my personal bucket list effortlessly. It was like I was reborn after him. I finally learned my worth because of the experience I had with him and because of that, I vow never to let another man treat me that way again.

He’s someone else’s problem now. I used to think I would be insanely jealous once he moved on to someone else but in reality, I just laughed to myself. Even if he treats her better than he treated me, I could never be jealous of a woman who ends up with that jerk. He wasn’t in my league.

He blessed me by leaving my life. If it wasn’t for the awful situation I went through with him, I wouldn’t have met the man of my dreams and ended up where I am today. Let that be a lesson to any woman out there who thinks the demise of a relationship with a jerk means they’ve done something wrong—he was just a stepping stone. Mark my words, if the man was good enough for me, I’d still have him.

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