I’m Not Trying To Be Secretive But My Boyfriend Doesn’t Know Everything About Me

My boyfriend doesn’t know everything about me and that’s on purpose. I’m not trying to be super CIA about who I am, but I do believe that some things are best kept to yourself or revealed later down the road. Before you judge, let me explain why this works for me and my relationship.

  1. It’s more meaningful when he asks me to share. It’s important that when I talk about my past with my guy that he actually wants to know about it. Sure, I can absolutely share without being asked, but it makes me feel like he wants to know who I am and what my story is about when he questions me about certain topics. It’s not easy diving right into a conversation about my background or what my childhood was like, so on the occasions when he asks to me to share, I’m more enticed to do so because I know that he’s interested in where I’ve come from and wants to know who I am.
  2. Building trust is an ongoing affair. It’s simple really. I trust my guy but just because I trust him now doesn’t mean there isn’t room to continue building on that and making our bond stronger. The more that I trust, the more I share.
  3. Some things just aren’t his business.  Some information isn’t relevant to him or involves other people so it’s not my information to reveal. In time, if we’re still together, I’m sure some of this will come out. However, I’m not rushing to reveal my entire life story and all of its characters to him.
  4. I’ve regretted revealing too much too soon in past relationships. My guy and I have been together for a while, but not such a long time that warrants a major full disclosure of who I am deep down in my core. In the past, I’ve spilled every single last one of the beans about myself only to find the relationship up in flames not so long after. I hate the fact that my exes know so much about me especially because we don’t even talk anymore. This time around, I’m taking my time and being careful not to reveal too much.
  5. Some things are better left unsaid. Unless it is going to immediately affect his day to day life, I don’t think that my guy really needs to be clued into everything. Information really is power and it can also be used to your detriment. It’s up to you to judge what’s worth revealing and what isn’t.
  6. Some things don’t make sense without context. Context is key. As he and I grow to know each other better, I’ll be more inclined to reveal things to him. Knowing me on a personal level will give perspective to the things that I reveal about my life and about my past.
  7. I’d never leave something out that could cause him harm. Sometimes I try to use harm as a measure of whether or not something is worth revealing to my boyfriend. For example, does he need to know that my ex has reached out to me? If yes, am I prepared to share that conversation with my boyfriend? If no, would he be hurt if he found out about it anyway? In this very situation, I told my boyfriend what happened and offered to show him the details. The risk of harm is the best indicator that I have to help me figure out where exactly to draw the line.
  8. A little mystery never hurt anyone. Since when do you have to be an entirely open book for anyone, even your significant other? Sure, you probably should be the most open with the person you’re the most intimate within your life, but as an autonomous individual person, I think that everyone should reserve the right to keep a few things to themselves. As long as they aren’t material secrets that could change the course of an entire relationship, I don’t think there is an inherent problem will a little mystery.
  9. We aren’t married right now. If we get married one day and he’s not privy to pretty much everything about me, then maybe we will have a problem. In a marriage where a couple is bound by law and inextricably links their lives, it makes so much more sense to me to have everything out on the table. Like I said before, I’m not going to rush into that until we’re at that stage in our relationship.
Marie is an ambitious millennial woman, leading a corporate life by day and doing her best to live, laugh and love.