I Only Have One Dating Dealbreaker — Don’t Be Boring

The first time that I meet a guy, I can let a lot of things slide. He has unfortunate facial hair? It’s just a trend he’ll probably rethink at some point. He talks about himself a little more than I’d like? Maybe he’s just proud of his accomplishments. But the one thing that will get you cut from the second date roster faster than poor grooming and self-importance combined: you bore me.

  1. Kind Isn’t Enough. It’s entirely possible that this is the source of many of my relationship issues, but being the sweetest guy in the world isn’t enough of a reason for me to keep you around romantically. Without a spark of charisma or a splash of excitement, most likely your kindness will make me see you as a perfect friend, someone who I can go to for support or advice, not someone I want to date.
  2. Handsome Isn’t Enough. My time is too precious to spend any amount of it talking to a pretty brick wall (unless he’s a VERY pretty brick wall — that’ll get him 15 minutes). While men have been openly judging women purely based on appearance for forever, it’s no longer taboo for women to admit that looks are a key factor in how they decide who they want to date. Whereas most of the men I’ve met can happily sustain a relationship based almost entirely on the hotness of their significant other, being handsome isn’t quite enough to keep my attention. You’ve got to be able to provide more to the equation than just a chiseled torso and steamy eyes, although those things won’t be counted against you.
  3. Smart Isn’t Enough. Intelligence is usually a great thing. It can stimulate amazing conversation and get things going on the right track. However, being smart with no sense of humor or sense of just how long you’ve been talking can shut things down just as quickly. If you’re all facts and figures with zero laughs or self-awareness, I’m afraid we’re just not meant to be. Too smart can also lead to a gigantic ego, which is about as dull as it comes.
  4. Rich Isn’t Enough. This one seems pretty obvious to me, but I suppose it doesn’t apply to everyone. On the one hand, you can entertain yourself with money. On the other hand, why would I chain myself to someone for financial reasons when I can get money of my own and not owe anyone else a thing?
  5. You Can’t Leave The Whole Conversation Up To Me. This is the fastest way I determine if I’m going to meet up with someone again. If the conversation comes to a crashing halt every time I stop speaking, I know this isn’t going to work. While I love to talk and appreciate that you’re listening, I can’t be “on” all the time. I need someone who can bring just as much to a conversation (and a relationship) as I do, so I don’t constantly feel the need to provide something to say.
  6. Dear God, Show Passion For Something. I’m not saying that you need to love your job or your life exactly as they are now but if you complain about everything and don’t do anything to change the circumstances that you don’t like, I’m quickly going to lose interest. If it sounds like your own life is boring you, why should I care about it? I have goals, I have drive, I’m excited to see where I am in a year’s time. If you don’t have anything that gets your blood pumping, no plans or dreams, what are you even doing? I’m not signing up to be a cheerleader for someone with no motivation.
  7. Closed-Mindedness Is The Most Boring Thing. Opinions are one thing, being completely stuck in your ways is another. If you’re not open to learning or debating, I’m going to assume you’re stubborn and dumb. Intelligent people don’t shut out all other arguments; they listen and consider them before making an informed decision. If you always have to be right, I’m always going to be bored.
  8. If I Know What You’re Going To Say, I’m Going To Move On. Being predictable is a big let down. You don’t need to be skydiving every weekend or totally irrational in your decision-making, but I’d like to see that there’s more to you than I can find out in a twenty-minute coffee date. If I feel like I’ve had our exact same conversation before, there’s no need for me to stick around to see how it ends. Don’t play it safe with the same old questions and answers; honesty and humor are guaranteed to surprise me and get you a long way.
  9. I Need Someone Who Challenges Me. While I won’t hold it against you if you worship the ground I walk on, I also probably won’t grow as a person if you never tell me that I can do more. I want to be inspired by the risks that you take in life, and I want you to push me to challenge myself in mine. If you’re content to keep things exactly as they are, I’m probably going to outgrow you.
  10. It May Not Last Forever, But If You’re Interesting, It’ll Go Somewhere. Some people want things to be simple and stable, so boring isn’t a problem for them. If that’s what you want, more power to you. But, I know I’ll be far happier meeting people who want to go on adventures, try new things, and say what they shouldn’t. It doesn’t mean any of them will be my soulmate, but it will definitely result in an exciting life.
Maddy Aaron lives, writes, and eats a significant number of tacos in NYC. Seamus Finnigan once wrote her a personalized letter that included the words "MAN U. Rule!" When she's not doing the stuff on the InterWebs, Maddy spends way too much time at the movies, discusses the falling hot dog quality in the neighborhood with her roommate, and intimidates men with her Gilmore Girls and Harry Potter trivia knowledge.