I’ll Only Date Guys Who Don’t Use Social Media—Here’s Why

The idea of a guy being off the online grid would often send some women running for the hills, but not me. In fact, guys who don’t use social media are the only ones I’ll invest my time in.

They aren’t as boring as you think. If a guy doesn’t have social media, it’s an easy misconception that they don’t have a lot of friends or they’re super boring and have nothing interesting to share. In my experience, that couldn’t be further from the truth. They actually have so much to share, so many life experiences and interesting conversations that they don’t have time to upload it all to the virtual world.

They care more about their “real” selves.  Not many people will post photos of themselves at their worst or of their mundane everyday routine. Instead, they post profile photos when they look the hottest, snaps of their glorious holiday in the sun or the expensive dinner they ate in Paris. That’s not real life, and we know this somewhere in the deep recesses of our brains, but that goes out the window the moment we click their Instagram profiles. Guys who choose not to be involved with the online world only have one version of themselves—the good, the bad, the ugly and the great—meaning what you see is what you get.

It means I can’t judge him prematurely. Before a date, the first thing I do is look the guy up on social media. I want to know right away if there are any deal breakers and gain a little insight into what I’m letting myself in for. It gives me talking points and allows me to sway the conversation towards something I already know he likes so I might make a better impression. On the other hand, I might see something on his page that I really don’t like. In that case, I won’t be able to help myself and I’ll make a snap judgment that probably isn’t fair. Even if the date goes well, I’ll still be thinking about the photo of him looking like a player with his guy friends and think, “Well, he doesn’t look like boyfriend material.” The date is over before it’s even begun.

I can’t stalk their exes. If we make it official and he becomes my boyfriend, I’m going to want to see what his ex looked like. It satisfies my curiosity to know whether I’m his usual type, if he signed off his texts in the same way with her, and if she was also affectionately called “hunnybun.” While it settles me for a few clicks, like any addiction, I always want more. I’ll delve deeper and deeper, analyzing any photo they’re in together, the comments underneath, even the location. It becomes an obsession and I can’t stop myself. I once dumped a guy because I found out through social media that he had taken me to the same hotel in Italy that he stayed in with his ex. It’s just better for me if I don’t have access to that kind of information.

It keeps my jealousy at a healthy level. A certain amount of jealousy is healthy because it means you still care about the other person. An unhealthy amount is when you check their pages regularly for any signs of foul play. Even if you’re in a relationship, it should be OK to like someone else’s profile photo, but that doesn’t mean I want to know about it.

They pay more attention to me than their phones. There’s nothing worse than a guy who is constantly on his phone. More often than not, if they’re obsessed with their phone, they’re refreshing their social media feed. I don’t feel I should have to ask my boyfriend to put down his phone over dinner or while we’re having a conversation, and yet I found myself doing that constantly when I dated guys with social media.

They’re often far less self-absorbed. If you’re asking someone to take 50 photos of you posing because you “can’t get the right angle,” you can exit stage left. I don’t like to see it from other girls and I certainly can’t handle it from guys. Sure, you want a flattering photo, but spending too long obsessing over a piece of hair that’s in the way or your smile that’s slightly crooked is just conceited. Your face is your face—you can’t change it that much!

They truly live in the moment. There’s definitely something to be said for capturing memories. It’s great to be able to look back through photographs and videos, but when you spend more time taking photos than actually enjoying the view, you’re missing it! You can Google a photo anyone has taken of the same thing but nobody can see what you can see through your own eyes.

There’s no relationship status nonsense. Finally, there’s the awkward relationship status moment. When is the right time to change it? Has he already done it? Why hasn’t he done it? And then if you break up, you have to take it down or heavens above, change it to SINGLE. If he doesn’t have social media, none of this trivial stuff matters. You choose who to tell (in person) that you’re in a relationship and you can also decide who to tell if it doesn’t work out—without a hugely public breakup announcement.

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