Opinion: The Secret To My Happy Marriage Is Separate Bedrooms

In every happy marriage, someone has at least once stood over their partner and considered murdering them. Often this happens in the middle of the night and the only reason they’re still alive is that you did not feel like cleaning up a corpse and blood splatter at 2 a.m. If my husband and I hadn’t chosen to sleep in separate bedrooms, someone would be dead by this point for sure. I’m pretty sure it saved us.

We love sleep more than we love each other.

Nobody is happy if they’re chronically without proper sleep. Sure, people might look at you weird if you say you sleep in separate bedrooms or they might think that your marriage is falling apart. If only they knew how much better it is now that we don’t sleep together anymore.

He likes to keep me awake, and not in a sexual way.

It’s not just that he snores – it’s that he snores so loud that even our pets don’t want to sleep in the same room as him anymore. If I could fall asleep first, that would be okay. I could sleep through it. However, he used to fall asleep first and his snoring would keep me awake all night long.

I need my space. What’s wrong with that?

 I move a lot in bed, and that means that my legs move as well. That wouldn’t be as much of a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that he sleeps sideways with his crotch in my direction, right at knee height. I think you can see where this is going…

I wake up with nasty surprises.

My coworkers once held an intervention for me because I had a black eye and they didn’t believe me when I said I walked into a door. I’m not sure that the truth –  that my husband had elbowed me in the face in his sleep – would have been better received. Now that I think about it, maybe this “accident” was his revenge for the knee in his crotch the other night. My bad.

Everything should happen after I’ve had my coffee.

I’m not a morning person and any sleepy morning hugs are met with a growl and a “get off me.” I know it’s not nice, but in my defense, I need my coffee first. Now that he sleeps in a different room, he turns on the coffee before coming in for morning cuddles. Trust me, it helps a lot in being nice knowing that the coffee is getting ready. Not as good as bringing me a cup in bed, but we’re getting there.

My blanket is mine.

What’s up with sharing a blanket? Even when we still shared a bed, we didn’t share blankets. I just don’t understand how people do it. When it’s cold, there’s always this gap where the cold air sneaks in. When it’s hot, I like to hug my blanket and leave my back uncovered. That does not leave much blanket for anyone else in the bed. What about me needing thick covers and the other person being okay with just a sheet? I firmly believe that no real-life couple actually shares blankets. I think it’s just a movie thing, like having sex with your bra on.

We literally survive in different time zones.

A morning person who lives with an evening person is always asking for trouble. It’s a good thing I love him, otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to stand his chipper chit chats early morning, and he wouldn’t accept that 10 p.m. is the perfect time to do the dishes or dust the living room. At least now that we don’t sleep together anymore I don’t have to wake him when I go to sleep, and he doesn’t risk his life by waking me up early in the morning.

Our sex life is so much better now. 

The habit of getting in your bed, cuddling, having sex, and falling asleep was making everything a bit stale. Knowing that I go to his room specifically for that one purpose makes everything so much hotter. And he has told me that when he sees me standing in the doorway in that certain pose because he instantly gets turned on. Purposeful sex is hot.

I like my dogs’ company in bed, he does not.

One of the most intense fights we had at the beginning of living together is where our dogs go. I have always let them sleep with me on the bed, whereas his dog always slept on the floor or on his doggie bed. This was something I wasn’t willing to compromise on. I love sleeping with my animals and it’s the reason why I have the king size bed and he has the queen.

When the kids are ill, at least one of us has a good night’s sleep. 

We have the agreement that if I take care of the sick kids at night, I do not have to do it during the day and the same applies to him. When we still slept together, it wouldn’t matter if I took care of the baby – he would wake up anyway, and the next day we would both be tired. Now I can take care of the baby at night and have a nap during the day. We don’t get ill as much and we feel a lot better.

All in all, I would not go back to sleeping together in the same room ever again. My marriage is stronger than ever, we are happy, and that is more than I can say for most couples who do sleep together.

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