Brace yourself for brutal honesty…or is it just plain rudeness? Some people wear their hearts on their sleeves, but others wear their unfiltered thoughts on their tongues. These people might believe they’re beacons of truth, but their words often leave a trail of cringes and hurt feelings. Curious what phrases constantly trip them up? Here are 16 things people who lack a filter typically say, and why they might want to reconsider their approach.
1. “You’ve gained weight…”
Whether true or not, commenting on someone’s weight is a social minefield. Weight fluctuations can be due to sensitive factors like health conditions, stress, or simply life changes. This kind of remark is rarely helpful and often deeply hurtful. It reflects an unhealthy focus on appearance rather than overall well-being. Plus, as Huffington Post points out, it’s impossible to tell anything about someone’s life by their weight, so it’s never appropriate even from a “caring” place.
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2. “That outfit is… a choice.”
Unsolicited fashion critiques are rarely appreciated. Style is deeply personal, and even if you truly dislike someone’s outfit, there’s usually no need to voice it in a hurtful way. People who lack a filter often focus primarily on their own opinion, without considering how their words might land. They don’t always realize that personal preferences don’t need to be shared at all times.
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3. “Honestly, I don’t like your partner.”
Oversharing your dislike of someone’s significant other is incredibly disrespectful, even if you have valid reasons. Relationships are complex, and voicing your negative opinions can put your friend in an uncomfortable position, damaging both your friendship and potentially their romantic relationship. Unless there’s a serious concern about abuse or mistreatment, it’s usually wisest to keep negative opinions about a friend’s partner to yourself.
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4. “I’m brutally honest — that’s just how I am.”
People who lack a filter often use this as a shield against criticism, Psychology Today reveals, but it just doesn’t fly. They excuse their hurtful comments as a personality trait, rather than acknowledging that tact and sensitivity are equally important forms of communication. While honesty is valued, the delivery matters just as much, if not more.
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5. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to work hard.”
This phrase minimizes another person’s efforts and achievements. Success, in any form, usually involves hard work, dedication, and perhaps a bit of luck – to diminish it with this statement ignores the unseen struggles behind anyone’s accomplishments. It also reveals a sense of envy towards the other person’s accomplishments.
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6. “Well, back in my day…”
Constantly comparing the present to a supposedly superior past negates current experiences and challenges. This dismissive attitude can make younger generations feel unheard and invalidate their own experiences in a changing world. While sharing past knowledge can be valuable, it needs to be done without dismissing the present entirely. Being stuck in the past is never a good thing.
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7. “Wow, you got that promotion? Hmm, interesting…”
Innuendo and backhanded compliments are this person’s forte. They can’t seem to express genuine happiness for other people, and their thinly veiled jealousy undermines the person’s accomplishments. This stems from their own insecurity, no matter how well they think they’re hiding it.
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8. “Why are you always so sensitive?”
When someone expresses hurt caused by careless words, this is a common deflection tactic. It shifts the blame away from the speaker and onto the “oversensitive” person. This invalidates the person’s feelings, discourages open communication, and reveals a lack of empathy.
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9. “I’m not judging you, but…”
Anything following that “but” is a judgment call. People who lack a filter often feel the need to voice their unsolicited opinions, even while trying to disguise them as non-judgmental observations. This kind of statement ultimately undermines the attempt at tactfulness.
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10. “You’ll never guess what I heard about…”
It’s juicy gossip time! They thrive on sharing unverified information, often exaggerating or twisting details for dramatic effect. Spreading rumors without considering the consequences can be incredibly damaging to reputations. It shows a priority on being entertaining rather than truthful and kind.
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11. “I’m just kidding! Can’t you take a joke?”
This is a classic defense after saying something hurtful. Rather than apologizing or acknowledging the impact of their words, they minimize the other person’s feelings and dismiss the need for accountability. Humor can be subjective, and what they think is funny can actually be quite hurtful to someone else.
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12. “It’s not my fault if you get offended.”
They fail to distinguish between intentional offense and genuine hurt caused by their words. This shifts responsibility onto the offended person, ignoring the fact that clear communication avoids many misunderstandings. It reveals a lack of self-reflection and unwillingness to consider how their words impact everyone around them.
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13. “Relax, why are you making a big deal about it?”
Minimizing someone else’s emotions is dismissive and shows a lack of empathy. What might seem insignificant to one person can be deeply troubling for another, and dismissing someone’s feelings prevents open and honest communication. This attitude can make people feel like their concerns don’t matter.
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14. “No offense, but…”
You know something offensive is coming. Similar to “I’m not judging you, but…”, this phrase sends the message that, whatever follows, it’s intended to hurt and won’t be genuinely prefaced by respect. This reveals conscious intent to hurt masked by a flimsy veneer of politeness.
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15. Personal questions about age, relationships, money, etc.
They have no qualms about overstepping boundaries. Topics like salary, marital status, plans for children, etc., can be sensitive, and it’s not their business unless the other person willingly offers the information. They operate under the assumption that any topic is ripe for interrogation.
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16. “Well, at least I’m honest.”
They conflate hurtful bluntness with a virtue. While honesty is important, it’s equally crucial to exercise kindness and consider the impact of your words on other people. True honesty isn’t a license to be cruel. It often involves carefully choosing when and how to speak your truth.
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