Getting stuck in a relationship with a narcissist or manipulator is like choosing to book a hotel room in hell. You’ll be stuck with someone who puts you down, makes you feel bad, and gaslights you. You don’t need this drama and pain in your life! Luckily, there are ways to protect yourself so you don’t attract those people to you in the first place. Here are 10 ways to avoid them — keep swiping left!
1. Bring Your Intuition To Dates.
You’ve got to listen to that little voice inside of you that’s telling you someone’s not right for you or not as perfect as they appear. You might feel that something’s just “off” when hanging out with them, without knowing exactly why. Don’t brush off the feeling. The reason doesn’t matter right now – just focus on the fact that something’s not sitting right with you.
2. Set Some Healthy Boundaries.
Narcissists and other manipulators are attracted to people who don’t have boundaries in place, so they can walk all over them and take all their resources. Keep them away by setting healthy boundaries, such as by saying “no” if something doesn’t feel right or choosing your happiness over their demands.
3. Do Some Dating Investigative Work.
You don’t have to become a full-blown stalker, but it helps to do a bit of research before diving into a relationship headfirst. Check out the person’s social media platforms and do a quick internet search for them. Look out for any potential red flags, like if they’re always posting attractive selfies or flirting up a storm on other people’s profiles. Are they hungry for attention or do they seem super into themselves? You could also check out our sister site, Sweetn. They give you tools, tricks, and advice that will keep the bad guys out of your life for good.
4. Look For Signs They’re Intimated By You.
Narcissists and other manipulators can’t handle people who do better than them, so they’ll get sulky at your success. Yikes! When getting to know someone, keep an eye out for any signs that they’re not going to be your biggest cheerleader, like if they shut down when you’re celebrating a promotion or you can’t seem to find them when you’re popping champagne on your birthday. They can’t handle your success and want to be the best at everything.
5. Check Their Stories.
Instead of blindly enjoying conversations with them, keep an ear out for any signs that the person’s a liar. For example, if their stories don’t match up or they become shifty when you ask them a direct question about their previous relationships or career. Manipulators love lying to keep people guessing and to pretend they’re perfect.
6. Slow Them Down.
Manipulators usually try to speed up the dating process so they can lock you down in the relationship, where they’ll have more control over you. Try to slow things down a bit, so you can take your time to think about if the relationship’s right for you. This will also give you a chance to suss out those red flags properly.
7. Talk About It With Your Friends.
You should talk about your new relationship with friends you trust! What better way to get some objective advice about the person you’re dating? Your friends will tell it like it is and make you remember your worth so you don’t get sucked into the manipulator’s black hole. They’ll also spot those little red flags when they meet the person, in case you’re so loved up that you don’t notice them.
8. Remember Your Self-Worth.
Manipulators love people who are insecure and put themselves down. This makes it easy for them to stroll in and continue where you’ve left off. Instead of second-guessing yourself or putting the person on a pedestal, which is what will stroke their ego, focus on what makes you amazing. Believe in yourself and have confidence that can’t be shaken by negative people. They’ll avoid you because they don’t want someone who’ll put them in their place.
9. Don’t Change Them.
If the person you’re dating is showing some dodgy signs that they’re not right for you, but you’re desperate to make things work, you might think you can change them. Um, don’t. Your relationship isn’t a work in progress. When you see the person’s true colors, you’re not going to be able to wash them away. Trying to do so will just get you sucked into a toxic relationship and make you unhappy.
10. Don’t Fall For The Love-Bombing.
Manipulators will try to throw on praise and make you feel special in the early dating stages so they can make you think they genuinely love you. (They only love themselves.) This is why they’re likely to love-bomb you with grand romantic gestures. Don’t get caught up in it! Take it with several pinches of salt and keep a clear head so you can suss out if their intentions are legit or not. You owe it to yourself.
