Are You Really Acting Crazy Or Is He Just Gaslighting You?

I don’t think there’s a woman alive today who hasn’t been called crazy by at least one of her boyfriends. It’s a label we’re given far too often, even when we’re acting rationally and appropriately to what’s been done to us. However, sometimes we’re more guilty than we’d like to admit of blowing things out of proportion. Here’s how to tell whether you’re expressing valid emotions or acting like a crazy person:

  1. During arguments If every time you get in even the smallest argument, you turn it into a huge blowout fight with one of you crying and the other threatening to end the relationship, you’ve definitely boarded the crazy train. However, if you pick and choose your battles and calmly and rationally explain why and how what he did upsets you, you’re safely on the station platform. A guy who tries to invalidate your thoughts, feelings or concerns is the real crazy one and you’re better off without him.
  2. On social media Do you spend hours of each day Facebook stalking every girl that likes his status or do you realize that just because a girl likes his status or photo doesn’t mean there’s anything to worry about? Sorry, but that’s crazy. If you see him leaving flirty comments to her on a daily basis and decided to call him on it, however, that’s totally rational.
  3. The little things Being asked what you want for dinner shouldn’t cause an argument. You’re both hungry and getting cranky, but if you manage to flip out on him for not reading your mind about what you want to eat or not just making the decision for both of you himself, you’re acting a little nutty. On the flip side, if every suggestion you put on the table gets passed up by him and he’s not willing to offer any alternatives, you have every right to get a little pissed off and you’re still totally sane.
  4. That time of the month Every girl can attest to the fact that periods suck. Your hormones are going crazy, you’re in pain and it’s just an all-around bad time. It doesn’t make you crazy to act on those driving hormones by getting weepy or moody, but if you use your period as an excuse to act like a total bitch or pick fights with your boyfriend (especially when you’re not actually on your period), you’re treading in crazy waters.
  5. If he cheats This is a tough one because being betrayed by someone you love has the ability to drive you crazy. If you’re the type to take a baseball bat to his car or chase him down, almost causing a traffic accident, you need to check yourself into the closest mental institution. Kick that cheating guy to the curb and realize it’s a problem with him, not you, and you’ll be happy you handled the situation with class and a level head. That’s the sane way to act.
  6. When he wants to go out If he’s been planning a guys’ night for two weeks and on the night it comes, you suddenly remember something he did to piss you off two months ago and you make sure he hears about it before he heads out the door, you may just be a little off your rocker. Picking fights so his night is ruined is not the marking of a sane woman. If he does something to piss you off and you confront it head on right then and there and move past it, you’re in the clear.
  7. Playing the blame game The only time it’s okay to blame your partner for your bad feelings are when he’s the one who blatantly caused them. That’s healthy. But if you have a bad day at work and start to use him as a punching bag, that’s when you’ve crossed over into Crazy Town.
  8. On being jealous A little bit of jealousy is normal in a relationship, but only when it doesn’t affect how you act or look at your partner. If you begin checking up on him, reading his texts or getting angry with him every time he talks to someone, you’re getting into dangerously crazy territory. Even if he’s giving you reason to doubt his love for you, you should never be overly jealous or breach his privacy. The rational, normal thing to do is to pay attention to his actions and walk away if need be.
  9. Getting gaslighted. If he’s treating you like crap all the time and he calls you crazy every time you stick up for yourself, there’s a good chance you’re having a totally normal, sane reaction. However, if he treats you well and you start to cry and freak out on him over even the smallest of issues, you’re not being gaslighted, you’re actually acting insane.
Angelica Bottaro has a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Trent University and an Advanced Diploma in Journalism from Centennial College. She began her career as a freelance writer in 2014, racking up bylines in The Good Men Project, MakeWell, LymeTime, YouQueen, and more. She eventually shifted her focus and began writing about mental health, nutrition, and chronic disease for VeryWell Health.

You can follow her on Facebook or check out her website at She also posts on Instagram @a.ct._b and Twitter @angiiebee.