Is He Really Into You, Or Is He Just Talking To You Because He’s Bored?

In the age where “talking” has replaced actual dating, it’s more common than ever to fall into a cycle of texting and chatting with someone 24/7. And even more common is the habit of falling into the cycle of only talking to someone because you’re bored. Is the guy you’re talking to only using you so he can get a high off of your attention? Watch out for these red flags:

  1. He’s taking forever to text backC’mon. The smartphone is basically an extension of the human hand at this point. If he’s not texting you back in a timely manner, it’s because he’s only doing it when it’s convenient for him. The second he has something better to take up his time, he’ll completely forget about your conversation.
  2. His conversations aren’t meaningful. Is he really curious about how your day was? Or is he just making banter to pass the time? Anyone can flirt back and forth, even Siri. A guy who’s genuinely interested in you will ask you genuine questions and keep the conversation going at all costs. He might even throw in a double text.
  3. He only uses apps to talk to you. Sorry to break it to you but Snapchat conversations really don’t count as an actual interaction. If he wants to chat with you so much, he should be picking up the phone and making plans to take you out.
  4. He’s more social during work hours. It’s easy for long hours at the office to turn into prime texting time, especially if he has a job where no one questions if he’s on his phone. And sure, the midday Snapchat is totally welcome but shouldn’t he be waiting to talk to you when he can finally get the chance to really give you his undivided attention?
  5. He gets skittish when it comes to making serious plans. As soon as you mention grabbing drinks at happy hour or meeting up Friday night, he completely blanks or tells you he already made plans. Face it — you’re a distraction for during the week, not someone serious.
  6. If he does follow through on plans, it’s only out of convenience. When he does finally commit to plans, it’s only because he just happens to be in the same neighborhood. To top it off, he’s probably just agreeing to meet up with you so you’ll stop asking. Don’t get too excited.
  7. He’ll answer your questions, but won’t ask any in return. He’ll keep your conversations going by answering questions, but he’ll make sure that if the conversation has to keep going, you’re the one doing the steering.
  8. When he goes out, he’s completely off the grid. As soon as midnight rolls around and he’s already out on the town, he’s not responding. And why should he? He has plenty of things to keep him occupied, and they don’t involve you.
  9. He always comes back around once Sunday hits. Now that he’s snoozing off his hangover and in need of some entertainment to go along with his Netflix obsession, you’re right there to keep him busy. He’ll probably even throw you a line about coming over to cuddle. Of course.
  10. He sends you a ton of selfies. When there’s nothing more interesting than the four walls of his cubicle and #SadDeskSelfie, you know he’s just trying to kill time by switching through apps. Selfies  are fun, but too many of them clearly signal that he’s more invested in his own entertainment than he is with getting to know you.
  11. You know more about him from his social media than from him. Between all the time it takes him to actually respond to your texts, you’ve gotten in the habit of scrolling through his social media for answers. You can tell anyone almost everything you need to know about him all from just being a routine visitor on his Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat stories, not from actually getting to know him.
Emily Ann Gutgold—Emi, for short—is a recent graduate of Penn State University. Her social handle @MiSCONGENiEMiLY stems from her one-time stint as a pageant queen where she was unanimously voted Miss Congeniality by the other contestants. In her free time she enjoys running and eating ice cream, but not at the same time. She currently lives in New York City and works in digital media.