Do You Really Love Being Single Or Are You Self-Sabotaging?

These days, it’s more normal than not to love being single, and that’s totally cool. Why should you feel bad just because you don’t have a boyfriend? The only problem is that you might actually be forcing yourself to keep rolling solo when it’s not totally necessary. If you can relate to these 9 things, you just might be self-sabotaging your chances of finding love.

  1. You truly believe that every first date is going to suck. It’s kind of naive to go on a first date and think that it’ll definitely be amazing and magical; if you’ve been single for a while, then you know that rarely happens. Still, expecting every date that you go on to be horrible is even worse. With that kind of crappy attitude, you’re setting yourself up to fail. How can a date go well if you never expect it to? You have to leave yourself open to having a good time.
  2. You live for bad date stories. There comes a point when swapping stories with your best friends actually hurts your dating life. It’s nice to get advice and it’s comforting to hear that others go through this stuff, but always focusing on awful dates is a really negative thing to do. Unless you can stop talking so much about how much all of your dates have sucked lately, you just might not go on one that is actually good.
  3. You think that relationships are only full of hard times. It’s easy to assume that being single is the best and being coupled up is the worst. After all, you can go home after work and watch whatever you want and order whatever takeout you want, and your BFF has to go see her boyfriend’s family this weekend when she really would love a quiet weekend at home. Things aren’t that black and white, though. Relationships have their ups and their downs, and believing that it would suck to be someone’s girlfriend is only going to keep you single.
  4. You never take responsibility. Maybe that guy you went out with last Tuesday really was a big loser… but what if you had a horrible time because you were in a bad mood? Or because you refused to make conversation or ask any questions? It might sound harsh but it’s totally possible that you might be the reason for some of your boring dates. Everyone has off days and no one really wants to go on a first date, but unless you can put your best foot forward, you’re never going to get anywhere.
  5. You assume no one wants to go on a second date with you. Whether you’re using dating apps or meeting guys the old-fashioned way, it’s safe to say that you need to go on a second date in order to end up with a relationship. It’s kind of an important step. It’s one thing if you never ask a guy out on a second date; it’s another if you always think that he would never want to see you again. Why are you selling yourself short? You’re awesome and there’s no reason not to think that any guy would love going out with you a second time.
  6. You prioritize things other than dating. Of course you deserve to have an amazing career and the best life ever. It’s really cool that you have a side hustle and hobbies and that you love to travel (or that you love to stay home and bake or cook if that’s your jam). If you’re always thinking about things other than your love life, though, you just might find that you don’t really have a love life to speak of.
  7. You seem like you’re almost too happy being single. What’s your vibe when you meet guys at parties or even when you’re chatting on the first date? Do you act like your life is perfect just the way that it is and you can’t imagine it ever changing? If that’s the vibe that you’re putting out, it’s totally possible that guys think that you’re loving the solo life and you would never even want to date them.
  8. You think you’re too busy to date. You’re definitely going to keep living the single life if you tell yourself that there’s no room in your calendar to go on dates. Whether you do this all the time or just every once in a while, it’s still self-sabotage for sure. You have to believe that dating is something that is worth fitting into your schedule. Otherwise, you’re going to keep rolling solo for a little while longer when that doesn’t have to be the case at all.
  9. You can’t get over your fear of rejection. No one ever likes being rejected. It’s a pretty basic thing. What else is pretty basic: getting over it so you can date and try to meet someone who you really click with. You haven’t figured that out yet, and being vulnerable enough to tell someone that you like them totally freaks you out. Until you can master that fear, you just might stay single…. which really sucks if you dream of finding real love.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.