If you were raised by strict parents or are a bit of a people pleaser, you might find yourself following everyone else’s lead to avoid rocking the boat. The worst part is, you don’t know how to stop. Not only can this result in you living your life for other people at the expense of your own happiness, but it also leaves you open to manipulation. Here are some signs you’re too much of a follower and need to go your own way in life.
1. You Always Ask Permission.
Even though you’re an adult, you never do anything without permission, whether it’s a partner, a friend, or your parents. While in a healthy relationship, couples run things by each other, you shouldn’t need to ask permission to do literally everything. You don’t need to ask someone if you can buy a cup of coffee with your own money.
2. You Do Whatever You’re Told.
While you do have to listen to some authority figures, like your manager at work (within reason), you don’t need to do literally everything someone tells you to do. Although it’s not your fault, a bad boss (or worse, a bad partner) will spot your vulnerability and take advantage of it.
3. You Never Think Critically.
Since you blindly trust whatever others tell you, whether it’s your mom or a partner, you never learn how to think critically for yourself. It’s not that these people aren’t wise or smart, but they don’t know everything. You never look into things for yourself, which means you could be taking some terrible advice. These people might not be trying to sabotage you, but you need to fact-check and weigh up the pros and cons for yourself.
4. Disappointment Is Devastating.
Whenever you make a mistake or let someone down, it feels like the end of the world. No one is perfect and most people care when they drop the ball, but they don’t feel as much shame as you do about it. You’re not a robot, you can’t keep beating yourself up for human error.
5. You Hate Your Life.
If you’ve lived your life doing what you’re told, you might have made some huge life decisions for the wrong reason. Maybe you majored in medicine because your parents wanted you to be a doctor, but you hate it. You’re the one who has to live your life and with the consequences of those decisions.
6. Your Relationships Are Unequal.
While both people in a relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a romantic relationship, should put the effort in, it’s not always going to be 50/50 from both sides because life gets in the way sometimes. With that said, followers can find themselves surrounded by people who take and take and take. Maybe you always drive your friends to the airport or help them move, but it’s radio silence when your car breaks down. You deserve better. Good friends and partners will want to put the effort in and won’t expect you to say yes to them all the time.
7. You Don’t Know Who You Are.
Since you’ve lived yourself being whoever authority figures want you to be, you don’t feel comfortable in yourself. Maybe your entire wardrobe feels like a costume or your body doesn’t feel like yours because you’re only working out so much because your partner is into fitness. It’s time to discover yourself. You’ll be happier for it, and anyone who deserves a space in your life will be delighted for you.
8. You Can’t Function Without Instruction.
Since you’re so dedicated to following everyone else’s lead, you have no idea what to do if it’s not spelled out for you. This can harm your career if you’re in a field where you’re expected to be a self-starter or take the initiative and resolve issues without having to be told to.
9. You Always Feel Like You’re In Trouble.
Even though you’re an adult, you still feel like a child who’s about to be grounded. This shame makes it hard to function. You’re so afraid of letting people down or doing something they don’t agree with that you mostly don’t bother.
10. You Don’t Know How To Take Accountability.
Since you just do whatever you’re told, you don’t know how to take accountability when things go wrong. After all, if you make a mistake at work, you can’t say “But my mom told me it would be fine.” In your mind, because you just did what you were told, it’s not your fault when something happens, but theirs. Although they might have given you bad advice, you’re the one who went through with it. It’s impossible to maintain healthy relationships with others, especially professional relationships, if you never take responsibility.
11. You Ignore Your Intuition.
Even if you have a bad feeling about something, you repress your intuition and trust other people’s judgment over your own. While it’s true someone else might be wiser, they’re not immune to making mistakes or misinterpreting something. If all of your friends seem to like someone, but you get a sinking feeling around them, don’t let them convince you that you’re being dramatic. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
12. You Don’t Think You’re Smart Or Capable.
If you’ve been a follower your whole life, you have no faith in your own intelligence or capabilities. The truth is, most if not all adults, don’t know what they’re doing. Everyone feels like an overgrown teenager who’s winging it. We all simply have to learn as we go along, but doubting yourself only makes it scarier.
13. You Don’t Know How To Advocate For Yourself.
Followers rarely speak up for themselves because they might have been told they’re “talking back” or are “being disrespectful.” While raising your voice or demeaning someone is disrespectful, calling out poor behavior or setting boundaries isn’t. It’s time to start having tough conversations, if this means some friendships end, it’s probably for the best.
14. You Don’t Expect To Be Treated With Respect.
Since you might have been raised to always respect authority figures no matter what, like your parents, elders, or higher-ups in work, you likely feel like you don’t deserve to be treated with respect. You should treat everyone with respect, but you also deserve to be treated well. Showing respect doesn’t mean being blindly obedient, it just means treating other people with basic human decency.
15. You’re Sheltered.
If your obedience stemmed from having overprotective parents, you might still be sheltered as an adult. While parents feel bittersweet watching their children grow up, it can be downright dangerous to keep them in the dark about certain things. Parents should shield their kids from inappropriate content, but sending an adult child to college who has no idea what the real world is like won’t end well. If your friends have started to point out that you’re too sheltered, it’s not always that they’re trying to corrupt you; they might be trying to protect you from something you’re unaware of.
16. You Feel Like You Haven’t Lived.
A lot of “bad” behaviors are romanticized on TV and in movies. You definitely don’t need to smoke or sneak out of the house as a teenager to have “lived.” With that said, many followers look back at their teenage years and regret that they didn’t try to make the most of it because they spent all their time doing what their parents or teachers told them. You only get one life, it’s time to learn how to balance work and play.
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