Is He Only With You Until Something Better Comes Along? 10 Signs He’s Keeping His Options Open

For some reason, there are plenty of guys out there who believe that it’s perfectly fine to use a woman to get them laid and keep them company until the women they’re actually after become available. If you’re seeing someone great but have your suspicions that he’s just keeping you around until he can find a new toy, these behaviors indicate that he’s keeping his options open rather than realizing how lucky he is to have you.

  1. He’s still active on dating apps. I’m sure he’s given you lots of BS excuses like, “I just keep forgetting to delete it” or “The app’s not gone, but my account is deactivated.” But the bottom line is that a guy who is still keeping his options open is going to want a source for those options, and the same dating app he found you on still has plenty of potential.
  2. He keeps evidence of you off of social media. Wouldn’t want someone who was more “his type” to see you tagged in another woman’s Instagram photos, would we? Not all guys are Facebook obsessed, but if he’s making a concentrated effort to ensure that his social media path and yours never cross, it’s likely because he’s trying to make himself appear more available to other women.
  3. He hides his phone from you. I’m not saying that you should be snooping on him in the first place, but if a guy tilts his screen away from you while he’s texting and refuses to let you even make a call from his phone, it’s safe to guess that he’s hiding something — or someone — from you. And even if there’s no one else on the scene right now, he’s definitely keeping his options open.
  4. He puts his wants over your needs. You’re stuck in bed with the flu, and he can’t bother to pick some medicine up from the drugstore because the game is on? Yeah, this is not a guy who actually gives a crap about you. He might enjoy the sex and the companionship, but when things aren’t “fun,” he’s not going to make the effort to pretend that he cares too much about you.
  5. He suggests breaking up when you fight. A guy who cares about your future together is going to do everything he can to keep your relationship intact even when you disagree. A guy who is always on the prowl, though, isn’t going to be bothered if things don’t work out with you; he’ll just move on to the next one after things go south. He’s going to have no problem hinting that maybe this isn’t going to work out as soon as he realizes the relationship isn’t all fun and games anymore.
  6. He doesn’t make plans in advance involving you. Even a week in the future is too far ahead to plan for a guy who isn’t sure if he might find someone “better” within that time. A man who sees you as a placeholder isn’t going to risk committing to something a month or two from now if he secretly has his fingers crossed that he’ll find someone else he’d much rather spend his time with at that point.
  7. He doesn’t make an effort to make you feel special. When a guy is keeping his options open, he’s not going to pay attention to all your little quirks or take you out to your favorite restaurant. Why? Because to him, you’re not worth the effort. Guys like this tend to treat all the women they date the exact. same. way. It’s just easier for them, especially because they know they’ll be able to get away with it every time they “upgrade.”
  8. He’s constantly hot and cold with you. Sometimes he seems like he’s nuts about you, other times he seems like he’s on the verge of breaking up with you. The reason for this relationship roller coaster is simple: he pulls away from you when he thinks he might be able to find someone to replace you, then goes into panic mode trying to win you over again when he realizes this other girl isn’t actually into him. Some guys just do this when they’re freaking out about commitment, but in many cases, it’s a sign that you’re constantly on the verge of your man voting you out of his life.
  9. He makes you an option rather than a priority. Does he cancel plans with you on a regular basis? Does he ignore your texts even when you know for a fact he’s not busy? I have bad news for you, girl: he doesn’t actually care about you. In fact, he might be using all that time away from you to flirt with someone else. A guy who doesn’t treat you like you’re important isn’t worth dating anyway, but it could also be more evidence that he’s just playing with you until he finds someone more worthy of his time.
  10. He isn’t even shy about flirting with other girls. If he’s hitting on the bartender right in front of your face or hangs out with his ex on the regular, it’s time to wake up and realize that he doesn’t even care that you know what his real motives are. A guy who pursues other women with zero shame isn’t worth another second of your time. If he’s keeping his options open, you shouldn’t be one of them.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.