You might have a friend who’s always happy-go-lucky and boosting everyone’s mood with their jokes. But, would you know if they were struggling with internal conflict or feeling down in the dumps? Although some people might try to hide it, they could be dealing with struggles you know nothing about. They might even have what’s known as “smiling depression,” which is when they appear happy on the outside but inside they’re dealing with immense sadness. Here are 10 signs someone looks happy but isn’t.
1. They’re constantly exhausted.
Whenever you talk to your friend, they always tell you how tired they are. But read between the lines. Maybe you can tell that they’re not tired as in sleepy tired, but rather that they’re tired of dealing with toxic people or getting through their to-do lists because they have zero energy. Maybe they even hint how they don’t want to get out of bed, which is a red flag they’re going through something that’s making them depressed.
2. They’re hitting the bottle more.
Maybe the person always liked a drink now and then, but now they’re reaching for a bottle of whiskey to get through the day. Ouch. Turning to substances, such as alcohol, drugs, and food, to numb one’s pain and escape from the difficulty of real life, is a big sign that something’s not quite right. It can be difficult to notice this behavior in someone who’s always the life of the party and comes off as just wanting to have a good time, so pay attention.
3. They’re one big question mark.
It’s difficult to use mental energy for making decisions if you’re dealing with deeper, more intense depression or sadness. This is exacerbated by feeling so fatigued. This is why making decisions on the fly can be so challenging for people who look happy but aren’t. They might also fear taking responsibility if they make a bad decision, which can leave them in a state of paralysis.
4. They cancel plans more than they keep them.
Lately, it seems like you can’t ever find yourself in the same room as your bestie because they’re always apologetically cancelling on you. What’s up? It might make you angry because you see them smiling everywhere they go, but maybe they’re dealing with some struggle you know nothing about. They’re retreating, eager to hole themselves up at home, because they don’t want to be around anyone.
5. Their smile is hiding something sad.
Have you ever looked at someone’s smile and thought, “Geez, that looks sore”? It’s like they’re forcing a smile so much, you expect to hear their facial muscles snap and crack. They might think they’re fooling those around them with a smile, not wanting to appear sad or stressed out, but their smile isn’t genuine. Over time, it probably gets harder and harder to keep it plastered on.
6. They’re posting tons of photos.
If someone’s trying to seem like everything’s great, they might go OTT with posting selfies and other pics on social media. This gives their friends the impression that they’re totally cool with everything, even though they’re not. They could be doing this to make people think their lives are perfect because it gives them a hit of endorphins, even though IRL they’re struggling with issues and depression.
7. They say “I’m fine!” but it’s clear they’re not.
When you ask your friend if they’re doing okay because you get the sense something is off, they’re quick to tell you that they’re fine. But you don’t buy it because they never elaborate on what they’re going through and they never talk about any problems they’re having. It’s so strange! You might also notice that when they tell you they’re fine, their body language tells you otherwise.
8. They seem extremely unfocused.
Someone who’s dealing with stress or depression might seem like their minds aren’t present. This makes sense, ’cause they’re trying to process their feelings or deal with a problem and it’s zapping all their mental energy. So, they might get through their work and appear fine, but perhaps seem like they’re a million miles away. You might also feel like there’s a bit of a delay during conversation, as though they’re taking longer to process other people’s words.
9. They talk about ending their life.
If someone’s dealing with heavy depression, they could experience suicidal thoughts. Some of these might slip out of their mouths, so keep an ear out for them. They might say things like, “I wish my life was over” or “I wish I didn’t exist.” Although they say this with a smile as though they’re joking, they might really feel hopeless about life. Be there to support them, such as by encouraging them to talk about their feelings.
10. They take more risks than normal.
Someone who’s dealing with heavy sadness or inner conflict might be looking for some kind of escape from those difficult feelings. So, they might engage in risky activities. We already mentioned things like alcohol and drugs, but these activities can be other things, such as having unsafe sex or splurging all their money on things they don’t need.
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