Not every friendship has to be a full-blown bestie setup. Sometimes, you’ll meet a person and enjoy their company, but the friendship won’t deepen and progress. It’ll remain stunted somewhere between sharing small talk at a party and hanging out in a group. If any of these 11 things are happening in your friendship, it’s totally superficial. Although that doesn’t mean you need to end the friendship, like if you cherish the fun times you have together, it should make you wary of trying to make the friendship more serious (not gonna happen).
1. They Don’t Share Your Success.
When something great happens to your friend, you’re the first one to order cocktails so you can celebrate. But, when you meet the man of your dreams or your business succeeds, they’re a bit sulky or distant. They might not even text you to congratulate you. It’s not that they’re mean – they’re simply not invested in your life. They might even take a rain-check on your celebration ’cause “something’s come up last minute.”
2. They’re All About The Good Times.
If you’re looking for a real friendship, a superficial one might get boring really fast. Sure, you might have lots of fun with your friend and share good times, but that’s it. There’s nothing more. They’ll be at the wild party and they’ll chat with you about how much fun you’re both having, but then they’ll end the night with, “We should do this again.” Non-committal is the name of the game.
3. They’re Not There When You’re Down.
Don’t expect a superficial friend to rock up when you’re going through a tough time or to help you when you need a favor. You can’t call them at midnight or rely on them for anything because superficial friendships are designed to be light and breezy. Besides, maybe you don’t know each other well enough for the heavy stuff.
4. They Don’t Know Your Origin Story.
How much does your friend really know about you? Maybe you’ve known each other for years, but you don’t really feel like they know you. They might order you a tequila shot even though you hate tequila, or they’ll be surprised to learn things about you that everyone knows. They’re late to the party.
5. Things Are Awkward Between You.
Even though you and your friend get on well sometimes, it’s usually in a group setting. When you’re spending time alone, you might notice that things are quite uncomfortable between you. Maybe there are lots of awkward silences and you’re not sure what to say. It might be a relief when a mutual friend rocks up to take the pressure off.
6. They Don’t Ask How You Are.
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How much of an interest does your friend actually take in your life? If they never ask you how you’re doing or they don’t seem to care much about what’s going on in your life, that’s a clear sign things are quite superficial. Sure, you can share a belly laugh together, but there’s no depth to your interactions. If you want to vent or elaborate on your relationship or career, you’ll have to call someone else.
7. They’re Flaky.
A real friend isn’t going to be hot and cold or give you inconsistent messages. With this friend, you don’t know where you stand. So, they’ll either be fun to be around or totally flaky. If you reach out, thinking that you’re building a real friendship, you’ll be disappointed ’cause they’re never there when you need them. They’re the queen of taking rain-checks ’cause the friendship’s not on their list of priorities.
8. They Use You For Gossip.
Your friend might be using your interactions as an opportunity to gossip about everyone you know. This isn’t a way to bond; it’s a malicious move to make themselves feel better. They might also resort to gossiping because there’s nothing else in your friendship. A bit of juicy gossip helps to kill those awkward silences.
9. They Make You Feel On Guard.
If you don’t feel comfortable around this person, you might find that you wear a mask to pretend everything’s cool between you. You can’t seem to shake that uneasy feeling in your gut that you can’t fully relax around them. If you hate superficial connections and try to build strong friendships, that could be why you’re not into it.
10. They Don’t Include You.
You might hear through some mutual friends that your friend is hanging out with them, but you haven’t been invited to join. Your friendship is so superficial that your friend doesn’t consider you to be playing an important role in their life, so why would they extend an invite to a fun hiking trip or club opening? You’re not on their social radar.
11. They Don’t Give You Real Advice.
Your friendship is focused on low-key activities, like having a good laugh at a comedy gig or making small talk at a party. So, when you want to get some advice or you want to talk about your recent breakup trauma, they’ll give you general words of encouragement, like, “Oh, don’t worry! You’ll move on!” But they’re just playing nice. There’s no deeper empathy or advice-sharing. Save that for the sisterhood, okay?
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