I Stopped Following All My Dating Rules & Everything Is Better

Despite the fact that some of them were outdated or even somewhat useless, I’ve always had dating rules for myself. Lately I’ve been breaking them more and more and it’s been the best decision ever. Here are some I’ve thrown out the window.

Not kissing on the first date I don’t know why I had this rule. I guess sometimes I don’t want to kiss on certain first dates or kiss certain people at all. Frankly, I don’t think that needs to be some hard and fast rule. Sometimes the date is going super well and I’m really attracted to the person so I want to kiss them. I’ve been doing that and I regret nothing!

Not spending more than an hour with them This was a weird rule that kind of worked for a while. I set dates to be no longer than an hour in case they sucked and I wanted to get out of there. I was also imposing this rule on good dates, thinking it’s nice to keep it short and sweet. In practice, I’ve found that sometimes I just want to hang out with someone for hours because they’re awesome!

Not dating someone who sucks at texting This has been a really hard one. It only came about because a friend told me that I had to stop being so rigid. She told me I had unreasonable expectations and that my standards were too high. It sounded harsh but she was right. I need to have more patience with sucky texters, especially if everything is really great in person.

Waiting a long time to sleep with them I’ll say, I do like to wait to sleep with people for a little while. However, there’s no designated length of time that’s needed—it’s whenever the timing feels appropriate. This may be after only five dates, and that’s OK. There’s no judgment coming from me about when it goes down.

Not having a meal on the first date I don’t even know where I got this one, but I had the idea that I should always do something simple for a first date like going for coffee. I thought that dinner was out of the question. I mean, it does suck to be out to dinner with someone I don’t even like, but I can use my judgment with who I make those kinds of plans with.

Giving lots of people a chance This may sound mean, but I had to learn to give fewer people chances. I was really bad at judging people based on how they looked on their profile, so if they seemed even a little cute, I’d go out with them. This left me on a whole bunch of dates with people I was instantly not attracted to. I’m letting myself be pickier with both looks and personalities.

Always dressing to the nines I dress up as frequently as I can for dates. I love compiling just the right outfit and makeup to make me feel like a total babe. This is all good and fun, but I used to not go out with someone unless I could do this routine, meaning that if I didn’t wear makeup to work one day and someone asked me for coffee afterward, I’d say no because I wasn’t “ready.” I’ve started going out in less than ideal conditions sometimes knowing that I’m cute anyway and the (right) person doesn’t care.

Assuming he has condoms I thought that it wasn’t my job to carry around condoms, it was the dude’s, so I always expected him to have them. Usually they do—most men keep them very close. However, this isn’t always true and there were occasions in which I needed to step in. If we’re ready to have sex and he doesn’t have a condom, I’ve got us covered. Unsafe sex just isn’t an option.

Always trying to split the bill. Splitting the bill is fabulous—I love it and I prefer it, though it got to a point where I was aggressive about it, not even giving the other person a chance to offer to pay. Now I’m much more chill about it and if someone offers to pay, I let them. I let myself be treated because I totally deserve it. Plus, if they want to dish it out, go for it.

  • Only letting them kiss me This was less of a rule for a certain reason and more just one stemming from fear! I get afraid of making the first move so I just waited around hoping they’d kiss me. I mean, they usually do, but lately I’ve just been making the move if I’m ready. It’s been working out great.

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