Struggles Of A Mid-Distance Relationship And How To Navigate It

In a perfect world, you’d meet someone at the grocery store or library in your town and you’d hang out 24/7 and live happily ever after. In reality, sometimes you have to widen the scope beyond your hometown if you want to find love. When you do, you might end up in a mid-distance relationship, and you’ll need to be prepared for the challenges that come with it.

What’s a mid-distance relationship, anyway?

You know a long-distance relationship is one in which you rarely get to see your partner because you live too far apart. A mid-distance relationship, on the other hand, is one in which you’re not in the same town but you’re also not states or countries apart. That means you get to see each other more than long-distance couples, but you still don’t get to hang out every day or even every week.

People often end up in mid-distance relationships by chance. Maybe one person moves for a job or to attend school while the other remains in the same city or town. It could be that a couple met on a dating app and really fell for each other but aren’t ready to commit to moving to the same place. Either way, mid-distance relationships can still take a lot of adjusting to, not to mention hard work to maintain.

Is it easier to navigate than a long-distance relationship?

In theory, getting to see your partner once or twice a month certainly beats only getting to be together once or twice a year. It allows you to connect on a deeper level and keeps your relationship strong. After all, it’s hard to build a life together if you’re never actually together. Of course, you ideally need to be able to be in the same place more often, and maybe you’re working towards that. For now, though, you feel privileged to get to see them when you can.

That being said, a mid-distance relationship isn’t necessarily any easier to navigate than a long-distance one. You still have to face the loneliness, paranoia, jealousy, and distrust that can creep up when you’re with someone who can’t actually be with physically most of the time. There are ways to quash those issues, of course, but that’s a whole different topic.

What kind of challenges does a mid-distance relationship prevent?

1. You miss out on sharing important occasions with each other. Because you don’t live super close to each other, there’s a chance you’ll spend many important occasions apart. From birthdays and holidays like Christmas to graduation days and family get-togethers, you and your partner might not be able to be by your side when you’re in a mid-distance relationship.
2. You never get to spend a real chunk of time together. Two or three days together here and there are great, but you can never truly get comfortable in each other’s company because you’re always thinking of how it won’t last long. This can be a bit sad, as well as hard to build a real in-person bond.
3. There’s always a lot of pressure on the time you do spend together. Because you know you’re only getting a small bit of time together, you feel pressured to make the most of every single second. That means you can never really chill together and enjoy the quiet moments as a couple. You feel like you’ll regret not doing more with the little time you have, and that can be draining.
4. It can be a bit costly. A mid-distance relationship might be slightly less expensive than a long-distance once, but there are still costs involved. If they live several cities or states away, you’ll still have to pay for gas or public transportation, and those costs can add up. It’s money well-spent for a meaningful relationship, of course.
5. Your schedules might be off. If your partner is in a different town for school or a job, they may be on a totally different schedule from you. This means finding time to catch up via FaceTime or WhatsApp or whatever can be hard. Not impossible, but hard. You’ll have to make some concerted effort in a mid-distance relationship, but you can do it.
6. You can’t be spontaneous. Living in different places means getting together requires a lot of planning. Not only do you need to make sure your schedules align, but you have to put off time from work, buy tickets to where they live (if you’re not driving), etc. That takes all the fun of going on a last-minute adventure pretty non-existent, which sucks.
7. You start to form different social circles. Because you’re living in different places in a mid-distance relationship, you’re going to have to find friends where you are to hang out with during your free time. That means you’ll be absorbed into different social circles, which can get a little weird when you actually hang out. That’s not to say you shouldn’t have your own separate friends in a relationship, but it can sometimes feel like you’re living completely separate lives.
8. You (or they) might lose interest in each other. This is one of people’s biggest fears when in any kind of relationship, let alone a mid-distance or long-distance one. Because you’re spending so much time apart, you can’t stay fresh in each other’s memories. (At least that’s your worry.) It’s possible that you might eventually drift apart and go your separate ways. However, if you really want to make things work, you can. Don’t get too discouraged!