There’s A Good Chance You’ve Never Actually Been In Love — Here’s How You Know

Falling in love can be an amazing experience, but how can you be sure you’ve ever really had it? Sure, you’ve probably fallen head over ass in lust with a guy or you’ve been infatuated with one for a few months until things fizzle out, but was it really love? Here are 7 signs it definitely wasn’t:

  1. You fall in “love” very quickly.  After a couple dates, you’ve fallen madly in love. He’s all you can think about — you already know how you want him to propose! You’ve even created a Pinterest board for your wedding, which will be in early June in Spain, with 100 of your closest friends and family in attendance. Sound familiar? Pump the breaks! It’s not that you shouldn’t believe in love at first sight, but you barely even know this man so it certainly isn’t love. Don’t rush the process, especially if you’re looking for something real.
  2. You fall in “love” often. How many boyfriends have you been in love with? If the answer is “all of them” then I doubt you’ve actually been in love with any of them. Life is not Ben’s season of “The Bachelor” where he told two women he loved them equally, even though the whole world knew he was going to pick Lauren. Love is a rare feeling — it’s not something you should feel for every guy that walks in your life. Of course, that’s just my opinion — you may be the female version of Ben and be capable of loving numerous people in the same exact way.
  3. You focus on the physical. I bet you’re “in love” with that hot guy at the gym who doesn’t even know your name, right? His body, his face, his laugh, the way he can bench press your entire body weight — the man is some sort of God. What else is love if not this? Uh, a whole lot more. You don’t know the dude so you can’t possibly be in love with him — it’s called lust. It’s easy to confuse the two, but looks fade and unfortunately, so do chiseled abs.
  4. You don’t plan for the future. Six months have passed in your relationship and you still aren’t thinking about your future at all — not a very good sign. Even 14-year-olds with their first boyfriends are thinking about senior prom and moving in together their freshman year of college (oh, to be young again). You want to at least see a future with the person you’re dating or why date them? It sucks, but we’re adults now and adults stay planning! The least you could do is form a rough outline of your future with the guy you’re dating — especially if you supposedly love them. If you’ve been together for a while and have no interest in planning a future with him, there’s got to be a reason why.
  5. Communication isn’t important. You don’t need to be in contact EVERY single second of EVERY single day, but regular communication is a must when you truly love someone. You should want to know how his day is going, what he had for lunch, what’s going on in the office, etc. If you can happily go multiple days without talking to the person you’re in a relationship with, you must not really love them. Of course, it’s different if they’re out of the country or work some sort of job that keeps them without service for days at a time. If that’s the case, those letters had better be comin’ in regularly.
  6. You never bring family into the mix. I’m not saying you have to introduce your boyfriend to your parents the second you start dating — it can be a few weeks, months even. But if it’s been a while and you’re claiming to be in love with him, he needs to meet the fam! The relationship always becomes more real when you introduce a guy to your flesh and blood. The guys you don’t introduce to your parents are the ones you don’t really take seriously. You must know deep down that the situation isn’t permanent or even long-term if you’re not willing to take that important step. If you’re in love with him, you want everyone in your life to be in love with him too, and they can’t be if they never meet him.
  7. You’ve never felt scared in a relationship. If you’ve never had a broken heart, you’ve never been in love — not truly. Love makes you fragile. Being in love is basically like being naked all the time — amazing, crazy comfortable, but incredibly scary because your scars and insecurities are on full display. You know you’re in love when you’re open to getting hurt. Never getting hurt in a relationship isn’t necessarily a good thing — you should get hurt (not all the time of course). That “pit in your stomach pain” is how you know your feelings are real.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.