Is there someone in your life who always puts themselves first? They constantly drain your energy, break promises, and make every situation about them, all of which are signs that you might be dealing with a chronically selfish person. These people are incapable of seeing beyond their own needs, and they end up leaving a trail of hurt in their wake. Here are some of the tell-tale red flags to look out for so you can protect yourself.
1. It’s All About Them (and Never You).
They’re experts at turning every conversation back to themselves. Your problems are less interesting than theirs and a mere setup for them to tell a similar story where they suffered more. As for your wins, they’ll find a way to one-up you or minimize those too. They simply can’t (and don’t want to) see the world through anyone else’s eyes.
2. They’re Emotional Vampires.
They’ll bleed you dry with their drama and negativity, but when you need a shoulder to cry on… crickets. Don’t expect them to be there for you, not unless there’s something in it for them – attention, a future favor, even the smug satisfaction of being the “better” friend.
3. The Rules Don’t Apply To Them.
They break promises, bail last minute, and expect forgiveness every time. Your time and energy aren’t as valuable as theirs, and they have zero respect for your boundaries. They’re chronically late, interrupt constantly, and get offended if you try to hold them to the same standards they hold everyone else.
4. They’re master manipulators.
Selfish people have honed the art of getting you to do what they want. They’ll play on your guilt, feign helplessness, exaggerate their problems, and twist situations to make themselves the victim – and they’ll do it shamelessly.
5. Their apologies are never genuine.
Even if you manage to get them to apologize, it’s usually insincere. They’re sorry they got caught, not sorry about the hurt they caused. Don’t expect their behavior to change — a half-hearted apology is just a way to avoid consequences and get back to their usual selfish ways.
6. They’re Experts at Deflection.
Trying to hold them accountable? Good luck. They’ll turn the tables, blame YOU, minimize your feelings, or bring up some unrelated incident from the past to derail the conversation. It’s impossible to have a healthy discussion about their selfish behavior because they refuse to even acknowledge it.
7. Promises Mean Nothing.
They make grand promises to help or change, but they never follow through. Their words are just tools to get what they want in the moment, whether that’s avoiding an argument or getting you to do a favor. They have no intention of keeping them and will act offended if you remind them of what they said.
8. It’s Only a Problem if it Happens to Them.
Your crisis is barely a blip on their radar, but if the tables were turned? Expect a full-on meltdown. They have zero empathy unless it directly benefits them, and often seem to get a perverse pleasure out of the misfortune of others.
9. They Engage in Passive-Aggressive Power Play.
They can’t express their needs directly, so they resort to the silent treatment, backhanded comments, or deliberate sabotage. They might mysteriously “forget” a promise, agree to help and then flake at the last minute, or make a snide remark designed to cut you down. It’s their way of maintaining control and avoiding honest communication.
10. They’re Emotional Black Holes.
You try to offer support or encouragement, but it’s a one-way street. They’ll drain you emotionally and never reciprocate, using you as a therapist or punching bag, but never truly listening. It’s all about fueling their insatiable ego, and the second you need a helping hand, they’re nowhere to be found.
11. They use and abuse people.
They see relationships as transactional. Can you do something for them – offer a connection, a favor, or a boost to their status? Awesome, you’re their new best friend. The second you can’t help, they’ll disappear or turn on you with surprising viciousness.
12. “Helping” is Always Self-Serving.
They may go out of their way to “help,” but there’s always a catch. They want over-the-top praise, a favor in return, or to have leverage over you later. True generosity never even occurs to them, because they can’t fathom doing anything without getting something out of it.
13. Their Success Trumps Yours.
They’re competitive to the point of cruelty. Celebrating your wins feels physically painful to them, so they’ll undermine you, steal credit, or try to make your accomplishments seem insignificant. They thrive on making other people feel small, clearly — a true friend’s happiness wouldn’t threaten them.
14. Everyone Else is the Problem.
They are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. It’s ALWAYS someone else’s fault – bad luck, unfair bosses, toxic exes. The world is out to get them, and they relish playing the victim, refusing to examine how they contribute to their own problems.
15. They’ll never change.
Selfishness is baked into their personality. They don’t believe they need to change, and even if they see the error of their ways, it takes immense effort to break those deeply ingrained habits. You must accept that they will always put themselves first, and adjust your expectations accordingly to protect yourself from disappointment.
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