Confronting a narcissist can be one of the most emotionally draining experiences you’ll face. They have a unique talent for turning conversations against you, making you doubt your own perceptions and leaving you feeling utterly defeated. If you’re preparing to have a difficult discussion with a narcissist in your life, be aware of the common tactics they use to regain control and shut down a confrontation. If you hear any of these things, they’re trying to shut you down — don’t let them!
1. “That never happened — you’re making it up.”
As Psychology Today reveals, narcissists hate being held accountable. So if you confront them about something they did, don’t be surprised if they flat-out deny it. They might say you’re imagining things or that you misunderstood. This is a classic manipulation tactic to undermine you and make you feel like you’re losing your mind. Don’t fall for it!
2. “What about all the times you’ve hurt me?”
Narcissists never want to take the blame. When you call them out, they might turn the tables and start blaming you instead. They’ll act like the victim or bring up old stuff you did wrong. It’s a nasty trick to make you feel bad and forget why you were upset in the first place.
3. “You’re just looking for reasons to be upset.”
Narcissists don’t care about your feelings. When you try to express yourself, they’ll make you feel stupid or crazy for even being upset. They call you “too sensitive” or say you’re making a big deal out of nothing. They do this to make you doubt yourself and to shut you up. Don’t let them win.
4. “Maybe you’re the narcissist, not me.”
Narcissists love to play mind games. One of their favorites is to accuse you of the exact things THEY do wrong. If they’re selfish, they’ll call YOU selfish. If they lie, they’ll say YOU’RE the liar. It’s all about confusing you and making you doubt yourself. Lucky for you, you’re onto them and would never fall for this, right?
5. “Why are you trying to start a fight?”
Narcissists can’t handle being called out. If you try to have a real talk with them, they’ll accuse YOU of being the problem. They might say you’re attacking them or being difficult just for bringing up something that bothers you. It’s a sneaky way to shut you down and make it seem like you’re the unreasonable one.
6. “You’re just jealous of their relationship with me.”
Narcissists love making you feel bad about yourself. They might compare you to other people and act like you don’t measure up. Or, they might brag about their other friends to make you feel jealous and insecure. It’s a messed-up power play designed to keep you under their control.
7. “This conversation is pointless, I’m done.”
Ever try to have a serious conversation with a narcissist, only to have them just shut down? They might get up and leave, change the subject, or ignore you completely. They do this because they can’t handle facing their flaws and want to feel like they’re always in control.
8. “I can’t believe you’re being so mean to me.”
Narcissists will straight-up lie to make themselves look good, PsychCentral points out. If you call them out on their behavior, they’ll act like you’re the bad guy. They’ll play the victim and try to make you feel sorry for them. Don’t be fooled – it’s a way to avoid taking responsibility.
9. “Nobody else would put up with you.”
Narcissists have a way of tearing you down to make themselves feel superior. They might use insults or belittling comments to attack your character or appearance. They may constantly point out your flaws or suggest that you’re not good enough. This cruel behavior is designed to break your spirit and leave you feeling emotionally dependent on them.
10. “You’ll get over it, just give me some space.”
When a narcissist doesn’t like what you’re saying, they’ll pretend your feelings aren’t important. They might act like you’re making a big deal out of nothing, or tell you to stop being so sensitive. They do this to silence you and keep from owning up to their bad behavior.
11. “You’re just imagining things.”
Confronting a narcissist about their behavior is a mind trip. They might say the hurtful thing never happened or tell you you’re crazy for remembering it that way. This is called gaslighting. They do this to mess with your head and make you doubt your own memory.
12. “Why are you always attacking me?”
Ever try to hold a narcissist accountable only to end up feeling like the bad guy? That’s because they’re experts at flipping the script. They’ll whine about how unfair you are and play the victim to dodge any responsibility. Don’t get fooled by their act.
13. “You’re just trying to make me look bad.”
When confronted with uncomfortable truths or criticisms, narcissists may deflect blame onto you by accusing you of trying to tarnish their reputation. They’ll frame your attempts to address issues as personal attacks, deflecting attention away from their behavior and onto yours. This manipulation tactic aims to shift the focus away from their actions and onto yours, leaving you feeling defensive and invalidated.
14. “I guess I’m just a terrible person, right?”
Narcissists often use self-deprecating remarks to garner sympathy and deflect blame. By portraying themselves as the victim of their own flaws, they attempt to manipulate you into feeling sorry for them and absolving them of responsibility. This manipulation tactic is intended to guilt-trip you into backing down from your concerns, leaving you feeling guilty and responsible for their behavior.
