You’ve just broken up and now everyone has advice for you. They all mean well, but most of their advice is probably useless. They don’t know what you’re feeling. My guess is you’re hearing the same tired old breakup myths that usually don’t work out that well. Breakups are personal things and you’ll deal with it in whatever way works for you. Ignore what others say and just focus on doing what’s right for you.
- Get under someone else. This does work. For about an hour, if you’re lucky. It’ll probably be a drunken hookup that passes out in the first five minutes. Jumping in bed with someone else isn’t going to magically fix a broken heart. Of course, if you can sleep with your ex’s best friend, you’ll at least piss him off.
- Spend half as long getting over him. For anyone who’s been in a long term relationship, this is just depressing. Imagine believing it’ll take two years to get over a guy you’ve been with for four years. There’s no set time limit. You’ll get over the guy when you get over him. It’s that simple.
- Lose yourself in booze. Booze is like sex. It distracts you and might numb the pain temporarily, but when you wake up, you’ve got a hangover and a heartache. Drinking the breakup away doesn’t work.
- Scarf down ice cream. It’s one of the classic breakup myths that ice cream plus a good cry gives you the strength to forget all about your ex. A good brain freeze might do the trick for a few minutes. Otherwise, you’re just scarfing down a bunch of calories. Eat ice cream if it makes you feel good, but don’t expect it to make the breakup easier.
- Look hot and ignore him. I’ve yet to meet a woman who hasn’t tried this one. Hell, I’ve done it and it is sort of empowering, but it’s not going to make him beg to get back together. Look hot for yourself. Who cares what he thinks? Besides, he’ll just think you’re trying too hard. Don’t give him the satisfaction.
- Give yourself a major makeover. Breakup makeovers are common, but I don’t really understand why you need to drastically change your appearance to get over a guy. Maybe you kept your hair long because he liked it. Okay, cut it shorter now. Changing your look doesn’t make the breakup disappear.
- Keep talking it out. Talking about a breakup helps. When you keep talking about it over and over to anyone who will listen, it’s time to just let it go. The more you talk about it, the more you dwell on it. Let the past go and move on.
- Staying Facebook friends makes you look better. No it doesn’t. It just makes you look like you’re not over him yet. There’s no rule that says you have to stay Facebook friends with your ex. If you want to move on, delete him. Do you really need to see how quickly he’s moving on? I didn’t think so.
- One last night gives you closure. What’s the one thing that’ll make the breakup easier? One last night with your ex? Just don’t even. You won’t get closure. You’ll just get more heartache when he leaves as soon as the deed is done. Sex is far too intimate to ever give anyone real closure.
- You can’t be upset if it wasn’t official. This is just BS. So what if he wasn’t officially your boyfriend? You hung out all the time, slept together and everyone considered you a couple. If a relationship, official or not, ends suddenly, you have every reason to be upset. It sucks, it hurts and if others can’t understand it, tough.
- Only women care about breakups. I kind of feel bad for guys when it comes to breakups, at least if it’s not their fault. No one expects them to get upset. After all, only women have emotions, right? I’ve seen plenty of women who couldn’t care less after a breakup and watched strong men cry. Both sexes care and they deserve the right to be upset if they want.
- It’s over forever. Not necessarily. It’s not impossible to get back with your ex. Sometimes circumstances aren’t right and you breakup for a while. A breakup doesn’t always mean your ex is out of your life. You could remain friends or even get back together one day.
- Blaming the other makes it better. It does feel good to play the victim and blame everything on your ex, at least at first. Eventually, you’re going to realize it doesn’t help that much. All you keep thinking is if they were that bad, why did you stay to begin with. Or you start realizing you might not have been as perfect as you thought. Either way, skip the blame game and focus on moving on.
- You need closure. Closure is important. I get it, but sometimes there isn’t any closure. Your ex might not have the answers you’re looking for. Maybe his only reason for dumping you was he didn’t feel happy with you. Ask for closure once and if it doesn’t happen, move on. There’s no reason to torture yourself or him with endless conversation and questions.
- Let’s just stay friends. This works for some. The majority of breakups don’t work out that well. If you have mutual friends, you’ll hear this myth often. Only try it if it feels right. Otherwise, don’t put yourself through that kind of misery. You deserve to be happy. If being around him makes you miserable, skip the friendship and focus on making new friends.
Breakups happen, but there’s no set way to deal with them. Just try to take care of yourself and do whatever you need to do to move on.