What He Thinks You Want In Bed (& Why You Don’t)

He’s read all of the how-to guides in men’s magazines. He’s even checked out Cosmo just to get into your head. He’s the token nice guy, kind and considerate, and he thinks he totally understands how to please you. But sometimes you don’t want the nice guy. Sometimes you don’t want someone who tries so hard. Sometimes you just want to relax and let things happen, not do things according to some kind of secret formula that he thinks he figured out. Here’s what he thinks you love that actually just doesn’t always do it for you:

  1. He lives by the mantra of “she comes first.” He tells you he’s not going to let it end without you climaxing. And you appreciate that, in theory. But some days it just isn’t that easy. You’ve got other things on your mind, or for whatever reason you just aren’t getting there. His insistence on you “finishing” just adds pressure and prevents you from relaxing and enjoying what otherwise feels really good. Orgasms aren’t everything.
  2. He wants to start every session by going down on you. In his quest to be seen as a generous lover, he thinks the best way to satisfy you is to go down on you. But sometimes that just doesn’t fit your mood; maybe you really want him and want to feel that sense of urgency, not slow the pace down.
  3. He communicates – constantly.” Do you like this? Do you want me to go faster or slower? Are you close?” Maybe I would be if you would just keep your damn mouth shut.
  4. He never wants to do anything that would “demean” you. He’s way above that “50 Shades of Grey” crap. He says would never “demean” you by hitting you or tying you up. So much for those fetishes you were hoping to try. You cry a little bit inside and look longingly at your bookshelf.
  5. He thinks deeper is better. You know that guys are always concerned about looking or feeling bigger than they are, but OW. Going too deep, too much, can hurt. Easy there, tiger.
  6. He thinks longer is better. You’re all about marathon sessions once in a while but sometimes you just want a quickie. Frankly, it’s been a long day and you’re kind of exhausted.
  7. He uses dirty talk in a way that just makes you laugh. Did he, like, memorize the lines in the most recent p*rno he watched? It’s not that you don’t appreciate the effort, it’s just that…it doesn’t sound like him.

Don’t get too frustrated, though, ladies; if the going gets tough, you can always hop on top. Or take the matter into your own hands.

Jessica Levy is a freelance blogger and content writer. She’s also a politics junkie, a fledgling foodie, and a frequent traveler. She has lived in Morocco, Israel, India, and Barbados, and never wants to be cold again. Follow her on Twitter!