I Thought I’d Never Get Over My Ex, But Then I Realized These 10 Things

When my ex dumped me completely out of the blue, I thought I’d never get over him. I was devastated. However, with a little time and distance from him, I was able to start seeing things a bit clearer. I finally realized these 10 things that helped me to move forward into my future without him.

  1. It wasn’t my job to control what happened to me. I was hurt by the breakup that took me by surprise, but it wasn’t really within my control to try to change it, even though I had many sleepless nights in which I just wanted to try to convince him to take me back (cringe). Surrendering to what happened and accepting it helped me to start the process of moving on.
  2. It was my responsibility to deal with what happened. I couldn’t control the breakup, but I damn well could control how I reacted to it. So he dumped me. So what? Yes, I was in pain and I didn’t want to leave my bed for two weeks, but I would get over it. The catch was that I had to choose to.
  3. Life got easier when I owned it. It was amazing how little steps to start focusing on myself more started to make me feel more positive. It made me get back into my life that had been waiting for me for months and was getting a little tired of being put on the back burner.
  4. I deserved better. After finding that there were still joys in my life to be experienced and people to spend time with who really cared about me, I realized why people always say you have to reclaim your life after a breakup instead of wallowing. It really does make you realize that you can do better than that jerk! That’s exactly what I started to feel.
  5. I deserved better than what he gave me. I suddenly had a light bulb moment: we weren’t even right for each other! All that time I’d been upset about our breakup when the truth was that I’d tried to make us happen and I was forcing something that wasn’t meant to be. The mere fact that he didn’t want to be with me meant that he wasn’t enough for me. Otherwise, he would’ve stayed, no?
  6. I had only lost a few months to the relationship. I know it’s wrong to think about the time you’ve lost to someone when your relationship with them ends because there’s always a lesson to be learned in every failed relationship, but it really helped me to put things into perspective. I had lost six months to the guy, which felt like a huge chunk of my life, but honestly? That was peanuts compared to the years and years I had in front of me.
  7. I was fine before him. It also helped to remember that as much as I’d been into this guy, I was happy for years before he stepped into my life. Heck, I didn’t even know his name or who he was back then and I wasn’t suffering in the least because of that!
  8. Time really did work its magic. I’ve always hated it when people say that time heals all wounds, but it really did heal my heartbreak. The mind is kind, and the more time I spent away from him, the less those painful memories of times we’d shared stung me. Just like wounds on the skin heal up, even when they seem really bad, so this followed the same pattern. Yeah, there were times when I pulled off the scab and it was too soon, but after a while, all that was left was a tiny scar but no pain.
  9. There were better guys out there. There’s someone better than everyone. It helps me to remember this and it really helped me to move out of the mindset that my ex was the only one who would ever care about me. Insert eye roll. Again, if he really cared, he wouldn’t have ended our relationship. There were bound to be better guys out there, guys who really cared and who would stick around no matter what. I realized that I wasn’t going to let my ex ruin that hope for me or steal my joy.
  10. He wasn’t powerful enough to be the end of my story. The truth is, no one is that powerful. At the end of the day, he was just a guy who hurt me. Big deal. It wasn’t the first time I’d been hurt and it wouldn’t be the last, but I’d get through it just like I had always got through the tough times.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.