Trust Issues? I Prefer To Call It “Not Gonna Get Screwed Over Again!”

Trust Issues? I Prefer To Call It “Not Gonna Get Screwed Over Again!” ©iStock/ninever

I’ve been hurt way too many times to push my trust issues aside, but that’s a good thing. Trust issues aren’t generally seen as a positive, but for me, they’re about protecting my heart. I’ve been screwed over one too many times and I refuse to let it happen again.

  1. I stay on my guard. I’m not a paranoid GF. I don’t snoop through my partner’s things or think he’s lying about where he’s going, but if something seems suspicious, I’ll file it away and analyze it. I’ll spot anything that gets my BS radar working before I’m overwhelmed by betrayal. I won’t allow it to strike out of nowhere.
  2. I’m open to love, but… My trust issues don’t prevent me from jumping into an amazing relationship because I know it’s unfair to assume that my BF is going to be like the crappy guys I’ve previously dated. That’s crazy! However, just because I’m open to love doesn’t mean I’m blinded by it.
  3. I know my boundaries. After getting screwed over by quite a few men in the past, I wrote down a list of my boundaries and why I won’t allow them to get crossed. This keeps me focused on what’s important to me and prevents me from settling for something that’s harmful, like a toxic relationship. I don’t deserve any more pain, thank you very much.
  4. Trust is earned. When people hear me say I have trust issues, they’re quick to assume it means I won’t trust at all, but that’s not true. It’s just worth remembering that trust is earned. It’s not something that goes hand-in-hand with attraction and interest in someone. It takes time to earn my trust — I only give it to someone who really deserves it and that’s a good thing.
  5. I’m tougher than I used to be, but I’m not a hard person. Just because I’ve learned the hard way not to take crap from guys doesn’t mean that I’m too hard on people or that I’m bitter. I’ve just raised my standards a lot higher to keep the douchebags out.
  6. I can smell terrible guys from a mile away. Having trust issues means I hold back a bit when getting to know someone so I can properly suss them out. My experiences have taught me how to spot an douchebag from a mile away so that I don’t fall into their traps or get my heart trashed. The second I catch a whiff of their BS, they’re out of the picture.
  7. I trust myself more than I used to. One of the most damaging things about having trust issues is that I never used to trust myself. I would always fear that I was going to get screwed over, but when it happened I didn’t listen to my gut and GTFO. Now I do trust myself and I know that even if a guy doesn’t come clean about his betrayal or he tries to sneakily hide it away, eventually the truth will come out and I’ll listen to my inner voice. I won’t waste my precious life on a jerk.
  8. I do imagine worst-case scenarios, but I’m prepared to deal with them. I know it’s wrong to imagine worst-case scenarios, such as a boyfriend cheating on me or suddenly changing from being super interested to not at all. But I don’t sit in those scenarios and allow them to make me aggro or jaded. Rather, I force myself to imagine how I’ll deal with the situations, such as by kicking the cheater to the curb or telling the jerk to head for the exit. It’s empowering because it reminds me how I will be able to turn the situations around and stop losers in their tracks.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.