Are You An Undercover Commitment-Phobe? Maybe You Don’t Want Love As Much As You Think

For a while now, you’ve thought about how good it would be to meet a great guy that you can actually see yourself settling down with — but is that actually what you want in your life right now? Sure, the companionship would be nice, but if you can relate to any of the following, maybe long-term commitment really isn’t your thing:

  1. You only date the type of guys you don’t consider marriage material. You might be dating plenty and even get into the occasional relationship, but if on some level you don’t take the guys you’re dating seriously, what are you even doing? You’re not going to accidentally marry someone who has completely different moral values or life goals than you, so you’re looking for someone to spend your life with, this isn’t the way to go.
  2. You think all the good ones are taken. You would totally be in a relationship if you could, but you can’t because there just aren’t any decent guys left to date. They’re all taken already so you’re obviously fated to be alone. Mmhmm. This is a clever lie that you’re telling yourself to keep yourself single.
  3. You can’t deal with nice guys. You met this super cute guy but then realized that he was just too nice for you. You explained to all your friends how he just had no edge, no sex appeal, nothing mysterious to keep you on your toes. What you actually mean is that he was available… and you might not be quite ready to be.
  4. You can’t do PDA. You like to hold his hand, but you won’t do it in public. It makes you anxious to think about people looking at you and him thinking that you’re a couple or something, even if you are. What might be happening is that you’re afraid to be judged for the relationship because you aren’t entirely sure that you want to be in it. If you care about someone, you want to show them affection. It’s only natural.
  5. You pick fights. You don’t seem to be much of a fighter when it comes to friends and family, but you can always find a fight to pick with your significant other. You know on some level that a lot of it is unnecessary, but you also don’t know how to stop doing it. You’re trying to sabotage the relationship because you’re not quite sure you want to be in it, and that’s totally messed up.
  6. You’re the one who wants to keep the relationship off social media. You have lots of excuses for why you don’t want to be Facebook official or share any photos of the guy you’re dating on Instagram, but they’re all bull. If you were happy in your relationship, you’d be happy to show him off to the world because you’d be proud of being with him. If that’s not happening, you need to ask yourself why that is.
  7. You don’t think you owe him anything. Relationships require a lot of balancing, but since you’re not willing to fully commit to him on every level, you don’t think you owe him anything. It annoys you when he asks for your time, energy or sacrifice and you’re not afraid to let him know it.
  8. You’re always looking for something better. Even when you’re in a relationship, you never really close the door entirely on something else. If something better was to come along, you would jump on it without hesitation. This isn’t because you’re with the wrong person, it’s that right now there isn’t anyone who would seem right.
  9. You like to ignore his texts for no reason. You love spending time with him, but you still pull back here and there just because you feel like you can. Ignoring his texts and keeping him hanging is one easy way that you exert your power over the relationship even though you know it isn’t mature.
  10. The smallest things set you off. You feel like you’re totally open to dating since you meet people you like and go out with them, but it only takes one tiny thing to completely set you off. You have no problem dumping someone over something that other people consider to be a minor offense or not actually a thing at all. If you’re really being honest, you know you’re being over-the-top but you can’t seem to stop yourself.
  11. You steer clear of deep talks. You’ll hang out with a guy all day, but as soon as he tries to talk about anything serious where emotions might be involved, you start running for the hills. You’re generally pretty in touch with your feelings, but when it comes to relationships, you’re trying to avoid them so you don’t accidentally get in deeper than you’re ready to go.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog