If you’re genuinely hoping for a relationship, you deserve better than to put up with some guy who says he wants to date you but also keep seeing other people. If love is what you want, don’t waste a moment on a guy like this. Here’s why you should walk away instead.
- You deserve to find what you’re looking for. If you’re on this journey to find the guy you’ll spend the rest of your life with, you shouldn’t have to put your own self-respect aside just to try and hold on to a glimmer of hope with a guy who isn’t giving you a fair shot. If you know what you want from a relationship and he isn’t meeting your needs, wish him good luck on his way — without you.
- You’re looking for a genuinely meaningful beginning. There’s nothing wrong with wanting the beginning of your love story to be something truly meaningful and a story you take pride in. This is the story you’re going to brag about to your friends, at your wedding and to your grandkids someday. You have every right to hope it’s a good one — not one that goes something like, “I was part of his harem and then he finally picked me because I hung around until everyone else dropped out.” Screw that.
- He can’t have his cake and eat it too. It’s hurtful when you think you’re having a great time getting to know a new guy and when you finally start to feel like you’re really building a strong connection, he’s still entertaining the idea of other women. If he wants to be with someone other than you, tell him to have at it, but he can’t have both. You’re a one-woman show.
- You have the choice of whether to play with a player. It’s totally within your own control whether or not you want to stay involved with a guy who’s still keeping his options open, but keep in mind that if you’re fully committed to seeing only him and he’s not on the same page, he’s only playing you for a fool. Don’t be that girl.
- He’s not ready for a real commitment. It’s very likely that any guy who pulls this type of BS behavior isn’t just selfish, he’s also not ready to lock into a relationship anytime soon. It’s pretty simple logic that when someone is truly into you, they won’t need anyone else in the equation to satisfy their needs — you’ll be enough.
More things to remember:
- Your time is valuable — don’t waste it on someone who doesn’t value it. Why waste your time with some bonehead who doesn’t realize how amazing you are when you can be investing your time into someone who’s actually capable of giving a crap about you and doesn’t need convincing? Use your time wisely on someone else.
- The right guy won’t question whether he’s content with just you. Some guys will try to convince you that they still need to date and sleep with other women to truly figure out their feelings for you, but don’t buy into this BS. How long does a person really need? If after a month of dating he’s still not convinced, he needs a VIP ticket to Breakup City.
- If he’s made his choice, make yours an even better one. If he’s not willing to offer you a real commitment and wants to keep seeing other people, he’s telling you all you need to know. He’s made the choice to do whatever he wants with no regard for how it makes you feel, so you should be making the choice to leave him behind. Life is far too short to waste on some idiot who doesn’t know what he wants when you know what you do- he’s not on your level.
- It’s not a game, he’s just a loser. This dating stuff isn’t really that hard. It’s a simple concept, really. When you meet someone you genuinely like and want to continue to get to know them and build something even better, you cut out anyone who might hinder that progress. It’s that simple. When did we start making all these other excuses?
- Real love is quality over quantity. Any guy who’s playing the game of quantity over quality doesn’t deserve a quality woman like yourself in the first place. You know what you want, so why are you settling for some jerk who doesn’t appreciate and value what he could have with you? You’re smart enough to know better than to put yourself second.
- He’s not the right one for you. It sucks, but this scenario happens a lot these days and you can’t let it get you down. You’re going to meet guys who don’t want to commit and who are far too into the lifestyle of numbers rather than finding an amazing plus one. Do yourself a favor and if he wants to keep seeing other people, see yourself out of his life ASAP. You’re in for someone much better than him, so keep moving towards that.
How to deal when he wants to keep seeing other people
While the easy answer here would be simply to walk away and never look back, it’s just not that easy or that simple. If you’ve been dating for a while now, the revelation that he wants to keep seeing other people rather than cementing your relationship as monogamous and exclusive can be shocking and downright heartbreaking. Here’s how to cope.
- Don’t take it personally. A guy who wants to keep seeing other people while he’s with you isn’t making a statement about you, he’s making a statement about his own inability to commit. He obviously likes you, he just wants to keep playing the field so that he doesn’t have to sacrifice anything in order to build a committed relationship. It’s his loss and literally has no bearing on how worthy you are of love, how attractive you are, or how dateable you are.
- Don’t be tempted to wait him out or try to change his mind. You might think that if you just sorta ride things out with him, he’ll eventually realize how great you are and decide maybe he doesn’t want to keep dating around. You might even think you could nudge him towards that conclusion yourself by showing him what a great girlfriend you’d be and continually mentioning how great you’d be as a couple. Don’t even waste your breath.
- Make it clear that you’re looking for a monogamous relationship. If you’ve never been upfront and clear about this, there’s no time like the present. He might be confused about why you’re dipping out on the relationship if he has no idea that you were hoping for more than some kind of weird casual dating situation. Tell him straight up that you’re dating for keeps, not for fun or for the purposes of having sex on tap. It’s not likely to change his mind, but he still needs to know.
- Don’t lower your standards. If you really like him, you might think that maybe you’ll eventually learn to be okay with the fact that you’re not the only woman in his life. You want to keep seeing him so badly that you might compromise on every healthy boundary and expectation you’ve set for him and yourself in order to stick around in what’s clearly an unhealthy situation. Don’t do it to yourself. You know what you want and what you deserve. Don’t let him convince you to accept less.
- Walk away and wish him well. This is really the only thing you can do when it comes down to it. He wants to chat up loads of women and be an eternal bachelor and you’re looking for a man you can build a stable relationship with and possibly even marry someday. Those two objectives couldn’t be more different. The best thing you can do is to wish him well on his immature journey and be on your way. There’s someone out there who will be quite happy to commit to you.