It might take a while to get to know your boyfriend inside and out. However, there are some behaviors that don’t require you to be a genius to decode. He may tell you he loves you every day. But, if he does any of these things, it’s pretty clear this guy doesn’t actually care about you. These behaviors aren’t acceptable and you certainly shouldn’t put up with them. Demand better — you deserve it.
- He dismisses your emotions. He doesn’t make an effort to recognize and validate your feelings. In fact, he rejects them flat out. That doesn’t only mean that he’s cold and heartless. It’s also him saying that how you feel doesn’t matter to him at all.
- He manages to make everything your fault. Yes, you have control over how you respond to him in any given situation. But, if he constantly makes your feelings out to be your fault, he basically doesn’t have the balls to address the issue. aHe isn’t man enough work with you like a good partner should.
- He doesn’t listen when you talk. Sure, there are going to be certain things he just doesn’t care about. Shopping or girl gossip aren’t his thing. Still, that doesn’t mean he should tune you out when you’re speaking. When he isn’t all ears when you’re talking, it’s an obvious sign. He’s not even remotely interested of what you have to say. It’s even worse if this behavior continues after you call his attention to it.
- You don’t get a say — he makes all the decisions. Checking in with you to hear your thoughts and opinions on something that affects both of you is the least he can do. Pretending to hear you out just so you think your opinions matter is another thing. If you notice him doing the latter, that’s a problem. Doubly so if he calls the shots without asking if you’re OK with it. That’s a clear sign he really doesn’t care about you.
- He doesn’t make an effort to do “couple things” with you. He doesn’t need to plan candlelit dinners or bring you flowers. However, should at least make an effort to make you feel special and loved. He does this by making time to date you and spending quality time with you. If all your dates and getaways happen only because you do all the planning and prep, you’re with someone who obviously isn’t as invested in the relationship as you.
- He doesn’t make a move to get to know you more. Even if you’ve been together for ages, chances are there’s always something about you that he doesn’t know yet. There are stories you haven’t told him and there are many more memories you can share with him. He should be perpetually curious about these if he’s really into you. When he’s not, he may have grown tired of you already.
- He isn’t moved when other guys get your attention. A guy who’s head over heels in love with you will go nuts or jealous upon knowing that some other guy caught your eye. If he doesn’t ask or doesn’t show any signs that he’s bothered with a possible competition out there, you can bet he really doesn’t care about you.
- He doesn’t make you a priority. Let’s face it. Life has a terrible sense of timing sometimes but like the old adage says, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” If he always has excuses and he never puts in extra effort to be with you because “he’s busy,” it may be high time for you to be with someone who won’t treat you as an option but a priority all the time (because you’re too good for him and he doesn’t deserve you).
- He doesn’t consider you in his plans. Everything he does or doesn’t do in life is down to his own personal whims and desires. While it’s obviously important to be true to yourself, when you’re in a relationship, your partner matters too. If he’s fine doing whatever he wants without even considering you, this guy doesn’t care about you.
- He’s fine going AWOL for days or weeks on end. Communication is key to any healthy relationship, but if he’s fine not keeping you up to date with what he’s up to or what’s going on in his life, why are you even together? This guy obviously doesn’t care about you, so don’t waste your time.
- He cheats on you. It goes without saying that if a guy cheats on you, he definitely doesn’t care about you. If he did, how could he justify being unfaithful and betraying your trust in such a terrible way? If he cared about you, he would stay loyal to you. And, if it did come up that he happened to fall for someone else, he would be upfront and honest about it instead of acting like a coward.
- He’s always taking and never keen to give back. You’re a generous person, which is a wonderful trait to have, but sadly, it can also get taken advantage of. If he’s always out to take whatever he can get from you but never offers or is never willing to give back, you’re in an unequal relationship and he couldn’t care less.
- He rarely reaches out first. A guy who likes you wants to talk to you. He doesn’t wait for you to chase him all the time before he’s bothered to chat. A guy who doesn’t bother to text, call, or make plans to see you doesn’t care about you, it’s as simple as that. If you’re the one showing all the initiative, you’re better off walking away now.
- He doesn’t think twice about flaking on plans you made. You’re looking forward to going out for Chinese on Friday night all week, but an hour before you’re supposed to meet up, he says he can’t make it. He doesn’t even offer an excuse or a raincheck. He seems perfectly fine with letting you down time and time again, which is a major sign that this guy doesn’t care about you at all.
- He refuses to say “sorry” even when he’s in the wrong. We all make mistakes, but a major sign of maturity and emotional intelligence is being able to recognize when you’ve messed up and apologize for it genuinely. This is especially important in a relationship with someone whose presence in your life you truly value. If he can’t be bothered to say sorry and instead acts as if he never does anything wrong, he’s not worth your time.
- You feel like an option rather than a priority. Even if you see each other semi-regularly, you get the weird feeling that he doesn’t care if you hang out or not. He has a list of priorities and you have the sneaking suspicion that you don’t feature anywhere on it. If you did, why else would he treat you the way he does?
- He’s only interested in sex. It doesn’t get clearer than this. He’s all over you when you’re in the bedroom together but other than that, he treats you like a stranger and isn’t all that interested in even speaking to you. His interest is purely sexual and there’s no emotional connection there. Sadly, this means he’s really not feeling it and your relationship prospects are nonexistent.
- He refuses to introduce you to the people in his life. At a certain point, when you’re dating someone for a while, you introduce one another to your family and friends because you want to incorporate your partner into your greater life. If he keeps you entirely separate and is against the idea of even a quick meeting, he really doesn’t care about you.
What to do when you realize he doesn’t care about you
It can be completely devastating to realize that this person you’re spending so much time and energy getting to know and trying to make happy isn’t interested in being your boyfriend or even getting to know you on a deeper level. However, you don’t have to let this situation get the better of you. Instead, you can take steps towards moving on. It helps.
- Realize this isn’t about you, it’s about him. It may sound cliche, but that doesn’t make it any less true. The fact that this guy doesn’t care about you doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy of love or that you’ve done something wrong. This is all about his shortcomings, like his inability to form real connections or to see all the incredible qualities you have that are right in front of him. It really is his loss.
- Feel your feelings unapologetically. You’re allowed to be angry. You’re allowed to be hurt. You’re allowed to feel whatever emotions rise up in you. Don’t try to compartmentalize or deny them. Instead, let yourself feel them completely so that you can process and work through them. Without undergoing this process, which can admittedly be a little bit painful, you can never truly move on.
- Practice self-love. Just because this guy didn’t treat you right doesn’t mean you shouldn’t give yourself all the affection, attention, and care that you hoped to receive from him. Practice self-love by treating your body well with healthy food and movement. Spoil yourself by pampering yourself, treating yourself to something nice, and romancing yourself. Do what you need to do to ensure you’re in a good place mentally, emotionally, and physically. You’ll be glad you did.
- Spend time with people who actually appreciate you and see your value. You have an amazing group of family and friends who love you and know just how special you are and how lucky they are to have them in your life. Focus on them. Spend time with people who make you feel good and who make you feel good in return. You’ll be amazed just how easy it is to forget that chump who didn’t realize what he had right in front of him.