I Was Single For Three Years & It Changed My Life

After being with my ex-fiancé for two solid and traumatizing years, I felt like I needed a lobotomy, but I stayed single for three years instead. I decided not to invest in anyone except myself. I never realized how good being single so long could be until these things happened to me during my time alone:

  1. I Reconnected With My Spirituality. Reconnecting with the universe and whatever god you believe in can totally reinvent how you see yourself and the world. Working in a morning and evening meditation completely transformed my life. I’m able to focus on my future without the distraction of a recent fight with my partner.
  2. I Lost The Weight I Had Gained. After breaking off my relationship, I used that extra time to get back into fitness. I started slow and built my way back to where I was before I met him. I lost the dedication to myself when we were constantly fighting and arguing, but thankfully I was able to reclaim it once he was out of my life.
  3. I Fixed My Credit Score And Starting Saving Money. I was so naïve when it came to my income, debt, and my student loan bills. Being a bartender, I always knew I would make cash the next shift, so I never saved anything. I also used all my income and spent it on my partner. I would treat us to dinners and go crazy for holidays and birthdays. After we split, I stopping going out and shopping, downloaded a credit tracker, and got my financial life together.
  4. I Stopped Idolizing My Ex. When I first broke up with my ex, I blamed everything that went wrong on myself – and he let me. I blamed it on that fact that I gained weight, was always tired, and always started the fights. I thought that he did nothing wrong and the reason the relationship crashed and burned was my fault. In reality, it was both of our faults. I stopped putting all the blame on myself once I spent a good bit of time as a single woman.
  5. I Became Happy For Others In Relationships. When I first lost my relationship, I was bitter. I hated love and happiness. I hated hearing about first dates and hookups. Now that I’ve moved past my bitter stage, I’m genuinely happy for my friends and strangers when it comes to love and marriage.
  6. I Re-Discovered My Passion For My Career. For many years, I took on a 9-to-5 job that I hated. I did it so that I could make rent money for me and my ex while still treating us to dinners and movies. After the breakup, I quit the dead-end job and got myself back to college for writing. I put myself through two years of college to finish my degree and am much happier than I ever was at my old job.
  7. I learned that Being Alone Doesn’t Mean Being Lonely. I always loved being by myself until I met my ex. We never saw each other due to our opposite schedules. I became dependent on him for my happiness and my worth. If he wasn’t home, I would get panic attacks and think the house was haunted. After we broke up and I kicked him out of the apartment, I never felt more empowered than when I was alone taking on the household. It took a few weeks, but now I value my decompression time.
  8. I regained my confidence about finding love. Even though I was very bitter for a long time and still enjoy being alone, I know I’ll fall in love again. I’d never miss the opportunity to fall in love with my soulmate because I know he’s out there. I might not have believed it when I first became single, but now I know that love is out there waiting for me.
  9. I Started Focusing On My Relationships With My Family And Friends. When I was dating my ex, I never saw my family and friends because I was more focused on him. I was also exhausted from arguing and working two full-time jobs. I spent my down time sleeping and watching movies. Now that the toxic relationship is over, I spend all my extra time hanging out with my friends and having Sunday dinners with my family.
  10. I Learned That I Needed To Slow Down. During my exile time with my ex, I was always on the go. I was either at my desk job or bartending or fighting. Time passed so fast and it felt like I was on an accelerated ferris wheel. I couldn’t focus on anything except paying the bills and work. Now that I finally got away from that lifestyle, I slowed it all down and enjoyed life more.
28-year-young writer with a love for reality TV, boy bands, Tinder, and being the most bad ass single lady on the East Coast.