I Waste So Much Time Trying To Make My Relationship Perfect & I Need To Stop

I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly four years, which means that we know each other pretty well by now. However, I’m always striving for perfection in him and in my relationship as a whole, and while I know it’s not only unhealthy but impossible, I just can’t seem to stop myself.

  1. I appreciate everything my boyfriend does for me but I’m never satisfied. Don’t get me wrong, I love my guy and he’s very good to me. He treats me like how every woman wishes to be treated and I’m pretty sure that he’s not going anywhere anytime soon. However, I never seem to be satisfied with things the way they are. The problem I’ve got is that I’m always striving for more in my relationship. I want it to be perfect. I want him to be perfect. I want strangers to look at us in the street and think, “OMG, they’re the cutest couple ever.” I know that’s dumb but I can’t help it.
  2. Social media is largely at fault. These days, I feel like we’re all suffering from constant comparisonitis thanks to social networks like Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. People project a certain image of their lives, including their relationships, and it’s simply not a true representation of the real deal. I mean, if you’re not one of the many girlfriends who receive a Michael Kors handbag for Christmas, post it on Instagram, and include the hashtags “#couplegoals #boydonegood” then the FOMO struggle is real.
  3. Rom-coms are also to blame. Movies of the romantic comedy nature also paint this image of the picture-perfect guy and it just doesn’t ring true. Even Disney is doing it, for goodness’ sake. We watch these movies as kids where a princess meets her prince and he fights for her and it’s all amazing and wonderful, but no actual relationship is like that in real life. They’re tough, they’re challenging, and they don’t always go according to plan. In fact, sometimes they suck.
  4. I have unrealistic expectations. Thanks to social media and rom-coms, I realize that I have super high expectations. I also realize that it’s almost impossible for any guy to meet them, let alone my BF. However, I just can’t seem to help wishing that we were more exemplary as a couple.
  5. I want perfection 24/7. Whether it’s my boyfriend constantly opening doors for me, buying me the gift that I wanted for my birthday, or sending me flowers when he knows I’m upset, I expect so much all the freaking time. It’s actually exhausting for both parties. Why do I do it?
  6. I’m setting myself up for disappointment. The trouble with having unrealistic expectations is that they can easily come crashing down at any given moment, and that’s exactly what tends to happen. I expect perfect but I’m met with average and then it destroys all my hopes and dreams in a heartbeat. Not cool.
  7. It causes arguments. My boyfriend can’t understand why I’m not happy with things the way that they are or him the way that he is, especially when he’s a good egg. The truth is that I just can’t help myself. I know this idea of perfection is irrational. However, I still get upset, mad, or stroppy (or sometimes a combination of all three) if something isn’t immaculate and it ends up causing World War III.
  8. I do love him the way that he is. And I love my relationship the way that it is. I just need to stop the comparisonitis and honing in on the negative all the time. Instead of focusing on what my boyfriend has or hasn’t done, perhaps I should start focusing on the positive aspects of our relationship. After all, positivity is the key to happiness.
  9. There’s no such thing as perfect. I also need to remember that there’s no such thing as perfect. In addition, perfect is subjective. What’s considered perfect to one person might not be considered as perfect to another. If I want a flawless boyfriend then I might as well go and have a relationship with a robot. Besides, it’s the flaws of your partner or your relationship that often makes things more interesting. What’s life without a few lows? Ultimately, it makes you more appreciative of the highs.
Katie Davies is a British freelance writer who has built a career creating lifestyle content that caters to the modern woman. When she's not sipping tea, shopping, or exploring a new city, you'll probably find her blogging about her fashion and travel adventures at https://trendytourist.co.uk.