Your family’s supposed to be your soft place to fall, but there’s always that one member who makes things challenging because they criticize anything and everything you do. Nothing is ever good enough for them, and even though you’re entitled to live your life on your own terms, they’re not going to let you do it peacefully. Enough is enough! Here’s how to deal with them while maintaining your self-confidence.
1. Work on showing positive body language.
You want to show your critical family members that you’re feeling good about yourself. Don’t be a target for their bullying by appearing like you hate yourself. Walk tall, have upright posture, and speak slowly and calmly. The more confidence you display, the more they’ll realize that their input won’t have much effect.
2. Laugh off the hurtful comments.
You don’t have to fight with these people or justify yourself in any way — why stoop to their level, right? A good way to disarm them is to laugh at what they’re saying even if it’s not funny. It helps to focus on finding the humor in how ridiculous they’re being. This also shows them that you don’t take them seriously and that their words have no effect on you, especially when they’re clearly trying to be hurtful.
3. Change the subject.
Deflect from the question you’re being asked that you don’t want to answer. So, when your aunt asks, “Why are you still single?” or “When are you going to get a real job?” try to change the subject. Distract everyone with how delicious the food is or ask someone else a question. You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, and hopefully your family member will read the room and move on.
4. Leave the room.
You can also take yourself out of the situation when your critical family member just won’t give it a rest. Excuse yourself to go to the ladies’ room, check up on the food, or take a phone call. You don’t have to sit there and feel attacked. It’s such a blow to your self-confidence, and you don’t need that. They can sit and stew in their own misery if they’d like, but you don’t have to be part of it.
5. Make light of it.
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When laughing at an offensive comment, you should also try to keep the conversation light as this will throw off your critical family members without hurting them. So, when someone asks you, “Why don’t you have kids yet?” you could reply with a joke, such as, “No, they’re here. They’re just hiding!” Trivializing what they’re trying to make serious acts as a protection shield that lets their BS bounce right off you.
6. Get serious about how they make you feel.
If you simply can’t laugh or make light of the situation, you can be honest about how their comments are making you feel. This can help you to get the feeling off your chest. You could say something like, “Listen, Dad, when you say that to me, it makes me feel hurt. It’s inappropriate.” This also makes it blatantly clear that you’re aware of what they’re doing and that you’re not on board with it. Once they’ve been called out so directly, they might be more likely to stop.
7. Stop sharing so much about your life.
Set some boundaries with the people who are critical of you. Decide that you won’t share certain news about your life with them because they always put you down and make you feel bad about yourself. It’s not worth it because they just highlight your failures and downplay your successes. Share your life with the people who uplift you, not ones who only want to tear you down.
8. Avoid heavy or sensitive topics.
If you have to hang around these family members during the holidays or other events, you might want to try to avoid certain topics that always seem to trigger them. Keeping the conversation light and breezy can help you to ensure a calmer, happier interaction for everyone. Keep the conversation very surface-level so they don’t have much to go on.
9. Stay cool and calm.
It’s easy to get riled up when someone’s criticizing you, but don’t give them your power! Try to stay calm and collected. It shows them that you’re feeling confident and they can’t mess with you. If it helps, do some calming activities before seeing them like meditation or mindfulness. The less they think they can get to you, the less they’ll try.
10. Ask them to explain themselves.
Sometimes just challenging the person about their comment can help to diffuse it. You don’t have to be harsh — simply ask them to explain what they mean. This can also prevent misunderstandings. Usually, being asked to elaborate will make the person rethink their question and the way they’re approaching you.
11. Tell them you agree to disagree.
Another tactic to use is to end the conversation quickly, such as by saying, “Let’s agree to disagree!” This prevents an escalation that can lead to arguments and fighting. You don’t need all that drama and you definitely don’t want to allow their actions to make you look bad. Cut the conversation dead so they simply can’t have anything else to say.
12. Put them on the spot.
If you don’t want to be put on the spot, give your family member a taste of their own medicine. If they criticize you, turn things around and ask them about something they’re going through. This doesn’t have to be anything uncomfortable for them — it can be small talk topics that are lighthearted — but it helps to turn the spotlight onto them for a change.
13. Choose low-key activities.
Consider changing the activities you and your family engage in together so you don’t get caught sitting around a table where it’s easy for you to be criticized. Maybe instead of family dinner, you should all go watch a movie or go bowling so you don’t have to talk so much! You shouldn’t have to avoid quality time with them, but sometimes you have to do what’s necessary to protect yourself.
14. Talk to a family member who gets it.
If this family member is always critical of you, consider talking to a different family member about it. It helps if the person’s also been attacked by them previously so you can both vent about it or try to find something humorous in the situation. Knowing you’re not alone can help you better deal with the situation.
15. Remember your self-worth.
One of the best ways to deal with a critical family member is to keep your self-worth solid. Be kind to yourself, remember why you’re valuable, and don’t allow their words to affect you. No one gets to determine your self-confidence, so don’t let them. You’re incredible whether they see it or not.
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