I Went To Australia To Be With A Guy I Met Online & He Held Me Hostage

We met online, as is usually the case when two people are from different countries. Who wouldn’t be smitten by a sexy Australian accent? Of course, I had no idea when I was getting myself into before I flew across the world to live with him.

1. He paid for my ticket there. Our entire in-person relationship basically began with a debt owed. He never actually asked me to repay him the money, but he never let me forget what he had done for me either. Pro-tip—if someone holds a “favor” over your head like that, it’s not a favor. It’s a manipulation.
2. I was lost and vulnerable and he took advantage of that. I met him during a particularly rocky time in my life. I had zero self-esteem; I felt like garbage on the bottom of a hobo’s shoe. He knew that and worked to instill in me a sense that he was the only one that saw my true value.
3. I had nothing. One reason I agreed to fly to Australia to live with him was that I had nothing keeping me the US. I had no job, no family, no money, no prospects. I was severely depressed and unmedicated. He encouraged me to leave America with promises of fulfilling work and an active social life. He was going to fix everything.
4. I lost my luggage. OK, so the airline actually lost my luggage, but it was the foreboding it represented that was totally lost on me. I’d been traveling for nearly 48 hours and I was sleep-deprived and worn thin—and the first news I got upon landing in Sydney was that I had no luggage. I had no money. I had no food. I had no toiletries, no clothes, no change of shoes. I arrived to more nothing.
5. I was completely at his mercy. I had no personal possessions and I couldn’t drive in Australia. I was too scared to leave the apartment because I’d never lived in another country before, let alone an enormous bustling city like Sydney. I couldn’t get a job because my work visa was only for 12 months. Even if I wanted to take public transportation somewhere, I had no money to do so.
6. He controlled the money and the food. At the time, I had no idea that this was a form of abuse. I was allowed three meals a day and he chose my food. (I swear to all that is holy, I will never again eat muesli or beans on toast). I felt deprived of simple happiness every single day. One day, he gave me a few dollars to buy myself a journal. Looking back, it was probably so he could read it. Instead, I bought one single chocolate bar. I hid the candy bar in a pants pocket in the back of the closet. It took every ounce of willpower to eat only one square of that chocolate per day. I was living for that one minute of happiness every day until the chocolate was gone.
7. He did give me small amounts of cash. The cash was handed over with the stipulation that I would walk to the shops and buy the things we needed. It was usually food for our dinner.  Every single day that I went to the butcher shop or the bakery, I wanted to cry. I was so hungry. I was lonely. I was sad. Even in a public place like a shopping center, I felt his invisible chain around my neck.
8. I had no one but him. Not only did he control all the money and all the food, but he also controlled my social life. There wasn’t much to control. I tried making friends, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to fake happiness and politely shake hands and introduce myself. Mostly I didn’t want anyone to ask me why I was there and who I lived with. I was totally embarrassed by every aspect of the situation I had gotten myself into.
9. He worked all day. I enjoyed my daily reprieve from him, but I was made to wake up with him every morning. I was expected to make his breakfast and pack his lunch. It didn’t feel right at the time, but I continued telling myself that I owed him. He kept telling me he was giving me a better life in a new country, but I didn’t feel it. What I felt was broken, alone, ashamed, and scared.
10. My aunt died suddenly. It was the worst phone call I’ve ever received. My aunt, my close friend and confidant, had passed away. I’d never felt more imprisoned that I did that day. I wanted to claw myself out of my own skin. I never did make it home in time for the funeral. I Skyped a eulogy from a dimly-lit apartment. Immediately after the funeral service was over, I changed the dates on my return ticket for the next week.

When I landed back in the States, I’d never felt more relieved in my life. I was so happy I was crying. I stayed overnight in the airport waiting for my connecting flight. I slept on benches and in chairs, and I was still happier than sharing a bed with him in a country that wasn’t my own.