Having a guy you’re super into disappear on you can be soul crushing, so it’s no wonder your first reaction when he tries to crawl back into your life is to open the door for him. Though it’s tempting to start right back where you left off, here are some reasons you should do so with caution — or not at all:
- Look at his past actions. If it was completely out of character for him to bail, it’s probably worth giving him another shot. If he was consistently inconsistent and had you riding a sharp turning emotional roller coaster, you should keep your self respect and tell him to hit the road.
- Know what you’re willing to accept. Once you really think about how he treated you previously, decide whether it was good enough or not. If he was a player then, he is probably a player now, and accepting a guy like that back into your life could cause even more headache and heartache then you have now.
- It really was him, not you. Never let a guy who randomly ditches you make you believe that you were to blame. If he up and left you with no explanations, that only means he’s the one with the flaws that need addressing. If he only came back to blame you and make you defeated, kick him to the curb where he belongs.
- Figure out how it makes you feel. Does it make you genuinely happy to hear from him, or nervous for what tomorrow will bring? If you’re feeling anxiety just from the possibility of him coming back, then you need to evaluate the value, or lack thereof, that he adds to your life.
- Make him work. If he’s seriously missing you and regrets bailing, he’ll prove it to you. Don’t be unreasonable, but don’t be afraid to make him sweat a little and hold him to his word when he makes promises. If he came back around and is only invested half way, then he isn’t showing you he means it.
- Make sure you can forgive him. You have to really think about whether you can let go of what happened and move forward without causing fights over it. If you’re not able to let go of the bitterness, the relationship will be set up to fail as soon as it starts up again. If he puts in the work and you decide you can forgive him, make sure to forgive him 100 percent and put the past behind you.
- Get opinions from your friends. Though your friends can’t give you the answers to the hard questions, they’ll probably see the situation more clearly than you do. They also only want what’s best for you, so if they think it’s worth a second shot, you should take that to heart. On the other hand, if they think you should keep the door firmly shut, you should really look at why.
- Know your worth. Above all and most importantly, know how incredible you are. Never accept less from someone than what you’re willing to give to them. When you love you, the rest will fall into place.