What To Remember When He’s Not Responding To Your Texts

With all these technological advances, you’d think we’d be done with the anxiety of waiting for the guy we like to reach out, but nope! Since texts are so quick to write and fire off, it’s easy to get anxious when you haven’t heard back right away. Add in the fact that some guys seem to bristle at the idea of getting back to people in a timely manner and it’s a recipe for a night in binging true crime shows and too much leftover Halloween candy. Before you start going down your mental checklist of everything it could mean when he leaves you on read, you might need a tiny wake-up call. Here’s what you need to remember when he’s not responding to your texts.

  1. Your expectations might be too high. Before you plunge yourself into a pool of despair, ask yourself this question: “Are my expectations too high?” Are you expecting him to text you all day every day? “Good morning” texts? “Good night?” Responses to your texts regardless if they were questions or not? Not every text requires a response, so check yourself before you figuratively wreck yourself.
  2. You haven’t waited long enough. Just because a text is quick to write, that doesn’t mean you should be getting ready to break up with him if he’s not responding immediately. This is a good lesson to have in all your communication. The “now, now, now” attitude with modern technology is putting stress on everyone, and not just your guy. Do him the courtesy of waiting before you jump to conclusions. How long? That depends on the context. But if you’re going haywire if he doesn’t write back in five minutes, relax girl.
  3. Yes, he might just actually be busy. If he’s not responding to your texts, it could be for a legitimate reason. This is a tough one because some guys use the “busy” excuse when it isn’t true. Still, he has a life. He has a job. (Hopefully!) A little benefit of the doubt goes a long way with this one.
  4. Texting him again isn’t going to help. We see you with your phone, your thumb hovering over the Send button. You think that if you text him again, it’ll remind him to text you back. Unfortunately, your fears about this might be true. If you text again, you could come across as needy or annoying. If he’s already ignoring you, texting him again isn’t going to help.
  5. Some guys are seriously old-fashioned. Remember back in the day when guys had rules about when they would call a woman? They’d wait at least 24 hours to call back in order to assert some kind of weird dominance. The guy you’re waiting patiently for may be doing the same to you. Now it’s up to you to figure out whether you’re cool with that.
  6. He’s just not that into you. Hope can be a bit of a monster. It can make you think things that aren’t true. If he isn’t texting you back, you’re probably coming up with all sorts of excusing as to why. Maybe he’s sick. Maybe his dog died. Maybe he lost his phone. Maybe he’s so overwhelmed with his love for you that he had to go off into the wilderness to deal with his emotions for a few days. Or maybe he’s just not into you and he’s not responding to your texts as a way to drop that hint.
  7. Even if he is into you, is this what you want? Let’s say that he’s actually into you. Then there’s a new problem: His communication skills don’t match with what you want out of this relationship. Figure out if how he’s doing things is okay with you. You’re not going to be able to change him, so instead, you have to decide if you’re okay with a guy who’s so hard to get a hold of through text.
  8. Put yourself first. Listen, when you sit by your phone waiting for a text back, you’re giving your power away bit by bit. Think of all the powerful women in your life or the badass celebrities that make you feel like Wonder Woman. Would they be tying themselves up in knots waiting for a text? Nope! Be the badass that you know you can be and quick fretting over this guy.
  9. You could do so much better. Speaking of which, it’s also time to think about your worth. If your friend was doing what you’re doing right now, would you encourage her to continue fretting over this text that will never come? Hell no! Do yourself the same courtesy.
  10. You’ll find the guy who puts you first, and this one ain’t it. Ultimately, dating is all about finding the person you’re compatible with. If you’re waiting around for a text, clearly communication is a must for you. Now that you’ve learned that, you can drop all the guys who can’t be bothered to communicate and look for one that does. He’s out there!
Trisha is a full time writer living in Montana. In her free time, she paints mountainscapes on her skin with body paint and reads a ton of YA lit.