What To Text A Friend After A Breakup (And What NOT To Say)

When someone you love and care about has their heart broken, it can be hard to see. You want them to find the happiness and joy you know they deserve, so when a relationship they invested so much in ends, it sucks. You know you want (and need) to text your friend after their breakup, but you don’t even know what to say. Thankfully, we’ve got some ideas for you that should do the trick.

What to text a friend after a breakup

  1. “Ugh, that sucks. Can I do anything?” This covers two bases simultaneously: You’re commiserating with your friend while also offering them support. Asking if there’s anything you can do leaves the ball in their court. This way, they can tell you what they need rather than receiving “help” they don’t actually want.
  2. “I love you and I’m happy to listen if you want to talk about it.” Again, sometimes simply offering to listen and hear someone out makes all the difference. When you text your friend, let them know you’re always willing to be a listening ear if they want to discuss the breakup. If they don’t, that’s okay too.
  3. “Let’s go out and get drunk. You’ll forget about them in no time!” A distraction might be just what your friend needs to forget about the ex who did her wrong and just let loose and have some fun. While it’s no good to do this too often, everyone needs a wild night out every once in a while.
  4. “I completely understand how you feel. That makes sense.” Validating their feelings will go a long way. Sometimes you can feel a bit odd after a breakup, especially if you take it super hard. Your friend might feel like there’s something wrong with them that they just can’t get over it and move on. Let them know you get where they’re coming from and that they’re totally justified.
  5. “It might take a while, but I know you’ll get through this and I’ll be there the whole way.” They might not be able to envision a bright future yet, but you can. When you text your friend after a breakup, remind them that there are good days coming. They might not be there tomorrow, but they are in store.
  6. “I’m so proud of you for doing what’s right for you.” If your friend is the one who ended the relationship, pat them on the back. It’s hard to walk away from someone you care about even if you know they’re wrong for you. Applaud your friend for their bravery and their honesty. They deserve it.
  7. “How are you feeling?” Simple but effective. Ask them how they’re doing and what’s going on inside of them and give them space to answer. They’ll appreciate the show of support and will hopefully feel safe enough to open up to you.
  8. “I’m coming over and I’m bringing [insert their favorite food here].” If this is your best friend we’re talking about, this is a great option. They probably won’t want to burden you. Or, they might say they don’t want you to see them in such a terrible state. Whatever! Grab some Indian from the place they love down the block and head to their apartment. They’ll be glad to see you.
  9. “You’re so strong — don’t give up. I promise it’ll get better.” This is for when things get really bad. You may not be able to tell them when it’ll get better. And that’s hard. However, let them know you’re rooting for them and that they’re too strong to give up.
  10. “You’re one of the most amazing people I know.” Your self-esteem can take a serious hit after a breakup. You might feel like you’re defective and there’s something wrong with you. Your friend might be feeling like total crap, which is why they need a reminder of how incredible they truly are.

Other things you can do to help a friend struggling with a breakup

In addition to sending caring and concerned texts, there are some other things you can do to boost your friend’s mood after a breakup. Here are a few things to consider.

  • Plan a fun day/night out doing stuff you know they love
  • Go on a friendmoon.
  • Surprise them with something that will make them smile, whether a sweet treat from a local bakery, flowers, or something else.
  • Listen to what they have to say without offering feedback/advice (unless they ask)
  • Check in with them regularly with a quick text/call
  • Get them a small but thoughtful gift
  • Help them with something they’re struggling with — cleaning their apartment, completing a work report, etc.

Should you try to comfort a friend after their breakup?

The obvious answer here feels like a massive yes, but you still might be hesitant. You don’t want to be too pushy or intrusive when they’re hurting. They might be a really private person or maybe your relationship isn’t that deep. Or, you might just not know what to do or say so you feel awkward. However, it’s generally always a really good idea to make an effort to cheer them up.

To be honest, there’s likely nothing you can do or say that will take away the pain they’re feeling. Breakups suck and the only way to get over them is to let yourself grieve and work through the wild and intense emotions that come along with them. However, even the smallest gestures on your behalf can end up making a big difference in their ability to bounce back more quickly. Reach out and show them you care. They’d do the same for you, after all.

What’s not helpful to do and say?

  1. “You’re better off without them!” That’s probably true, of course. Anyone careless enough to lose someone as incredible as your friend must be a total dumbass. However, it’s not helpful right now. They’ll end up coming to this conclusion on their own in the end. In the immediate aftermath of the split, they’re probably just going to be pining for their ex. Keep this well-intentioned sentiment to yourself for now.
  2. Don’t encourage them to start dating again before they’re ready. Everyone might claim that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, but come on. Unless you’re in the minuscule part of the population who relishes in casual sex, that’s just not true. In fact, it can often make it worse when you realize that the connection you have with this relative stranger doesn’t hold a candle to what you had with your ex. Don’t put them through this.
  3. “I never liked them anyway!” Again, maybe that’s true. Perhaps your friend’s ex was a toxic jerk who talked to everyone like they were scum and had an obnoxious laugh. Still, hold off on rubbing that in your friend’s face. They thought their ex was the bee’s knees for a while, so keep your opinions to yourself.
  4. Don’t brush their feelings off or downplay them. Even if they only dated the person for a month or two, a breakup is still painful. Don’t belittle their feelings or act like they’re no big deal just because you don’t think it should be. Your friend’s feelings are valid and they should never be made to feel otherwise.
  5. “Wow, that lasted longer than I thought it would!” I shouldn’t have to tell you why this is a no-go. It’s snarky, rude, and super bitchy. Don’t even go there.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill