Why Being Agreeable Isn’t Always The Right Way To Be Popular

No one wants to be around someone who’s argumentative, hostile, and thinks they’re always right. However, that doesn’t mean you have to go along with the crowd and agree with what everyone else says to be liked. In fact, doing that can actually backfire not just when it comes to your social circle but for your personal life too.

1. You lose your individuality.

Handsome man smiling and grimacing looking at camera with LGBT community paint.

When you’re constantly agreeing with everyone, you end up shutting down your own thoughts, ideas, and beliefs. Over time, it starts to stifle your individuality. Being unique is what makes you interesting and memorable. People appreciate authenticity and are likely to respect you more if you’re true to yourself. You don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not.

2. You create unrealistic expectations.

woman with head in hands

Being overly agreeable may set unrealistic expectations for your behavior. People might start expecting you to always agree with them, which puts you in a difficult position when you genuinely disagree with something. It’s important to set boundaries and manage expectations to have healthy relationships.

3. You attract manipulative people.

redhead woman looking out cafe window

If you’re always agreeable, you may become a target for manipulative people who might take advantage of how accommodating you are. Standing your ground and expressing your opinions repels people like this and makes it more likely that you’ll attract genuine, respectful people. Healthy relationships are based on mutual respect, not on one-sided agreement. (BTW, if you’re sick of attracting manipulative people in the dating world, our sister site, Sweetn, is for you. They use science and the power of your own mind to overhaul your love life in just a few weeks!)

4. You compartmentalize your feelings.

guy talking on phone looking depressed

Being overly agreeable usually means suppressing your true feelings to avoid conflict, which will eventually stress you out and start making you miserable. Expressing your feelings honestly, even if they contradict what everyone else thinks, can be really freeing and lead to more authentic relationships. You’re allowed to have your own thoughts and feelings even if other people aren’t on the same page.

5. You lose respect.

male and female friend talking outside

While being agreeable might make you likable in the short term, it could lead to people losing respect for you down the line. People appreciate those who have their own views and can stand by them. Having the courage to voice your opinions, on the other hand, shows that you’re brave and self-assured — two qualities that demand respect.

6. You miss out on personal growth.

serious man making business speech

Disagreements and conflicts often lead to personal growth. Even though they can be tough to deal with in the moment, they force you to think from different perspectives and challenge your beliefs. Sadly, being overly agreeable may keep you from experiencing these growth opportunities. As a result, you end up a bit stunted and miss out on some great

7. You end up feeling resentful.

Going out of your way to be agreeable, especially when it goes against your beliefs, will make you resentful in the end. It’s important to express your true feelings and opinions if you want to maintain some level of inner peace. It’s okay to disagree, and being vocal about it when you do can help keep you from becoming bitter and frustrated.

8. You don’t develop critical thinking skills.

guy texting in office while working

Going along with the crowd zaps your ability to develop some serious critical thinking skills. Disagreements and debates encourage you to really think about things and form your own opinions. As a result, you learn how to really work through topics, which helps you to develop more nuanced views and a better understanding of different perspectives.

9. You’re not true to yourself.

Always being agreeable means you’re not being your authentic self. It’s important to honor your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs, even if they’re not popular. That’s what will attract more genuine relationships and respect from the people around you. Plus, it feels good to know that you’re speaking your mind rather than holding it in.

10. You lack fulfillment.

Shot of an attractive young woman relaxing on a chair at home

If you’re always agreeing with everyone else to fit in, you’re obviously not following your own path, which will lead to a very unfulfilling life. Doing your own thing and sticking to your guns when it comes to your beliefs and values, even if they’re different from everyone else’s, will make you so much happier. Wouldn’t you rather live that way?

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Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill
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