Why Do You Suck At Online Dating? What You Could Be Doing Wrong And How To Fix It

­With busy adulting schedules and the bar scene becoming less appealing with age, searching for love through an app or website seems to be here to stay. You’d think being able to filter what you’re looking for and weed through a greater quantity of prospects at one time would make things easier, but unfortunately, it can just end up being a different kind of headache. If you’ve been actively swiping right but continue striking wrong, you may be guilty of these 8 dating app faux pas and hurting your chances of turning a virtual dating life into love in the real world.

  1. Being overeager According to the rules of probability, the more people you swipe yes to, the greater the chances you’ll have of eventually hit it off with one of them, right? But you may be carelessly matching with too many people. You can’t begin each day by greeting 20 different guys on a regular basis, so take some more time to read people’s profiles and be realistic about who to connect with to screen further.
  2. Alternatively, not trying hard enough Sometimes, it seems like you’re looking at weirdo (that shirtless hairy-chested rockstar looking cowboy drinking from a wine glass) after perv (profile pic is clearly zoomed in on his bulge) after definitely wants a throuple (photos of him with his girlfriend or wife) and you become so jaded about every running across a genuine prospect you end up mindlessly swiping nope on autopilot. If you say no to everyone without giving someone a chance, you’re likely to miss that one diamond in the rough shuffled in the deck of disasters.
  3. Wide-eyeing the candy Looks aren’t everything and you can miss a good guy with this attitude. Also, while this is a stereotypical way of thinking, most guys who look good know it. They could be arrogant and entitled when it comes to how they expect women to drool over them without them having to put much work in for their approval. Try to push your tendency to pursue the “bad boy types” to the side if you’re hoping for a serious lasting relationship. You may have to give an average-looking dude a chance, but this could be better for you in the long run.
  4. Not giving the underdog a chance While it’s good to know your deal breakers, too many can mess you up if it’s not over something important (like his height). Definitely don’t push yourself into something that will absolutely never work if you have no physical attraction to someone whatsoever. But try to be open-minded about mostly superficial things. What someone brings to the table and how they treat you should be prioritized. Find a balance between being too open and too critical.
  5. Sending the wrong message on your profile This could be anything from what you’re wearing in your photos to what you write in your bio. Poses and outfits that are too flirty and scandalous may make him think you’re just looking for a hookup. You also might come across as boring if you don’t show a variety of locations and activities in your images as well. As far as what to say about yourself, you have a small number of words to use to make a first impression on someone and it’s a complete turn-off to list a bunch of negatives (like what you won’t swipe for or what you’re not looking for). Use the opportunity to capture a snapshot of who you are and try to show off some of your personality (witty, intellectual, well-traveled) through your wording.
  6. Settling too quickly It’s dating. You’re single until otherwise claimed. Remain available and keep your options open. You shouldn’t put a freeze on your entire search every time one conversation goes well and continues off the app. In fact, even if it does turn into a relationship, mentally keep them on a probationary period until you get really comfortable and secure. Gaining a title for what you’re doing isn’t even always certain, you still never know.
  7. Wanting/Forcing a title too soon Definitely don’t set yourself up to have your time wasted, but don’t rush into “security” until you even know you want the other person. Don’t get too wrapped up worrying about the other person- if they want you or will ghost you- to not check in with your standards and goals. Is this person in line with your future progression? You might become so tunnel-visioned on snagging a dude that you can lose sight of whether that guy is worth tying down in the first place. Once you have him, you could realize he wasn’t all you thought he was after the fact and now have to figure out how to get rid of him.
  8. Having unrealistic expectations Don’t jump in too heavy before meeting someone in person. You still have to feel out their in-person vibes and what the chemistry will be like between you two face-to-face. Also know that communication and love languages still play a role in someone’s approach before you judge something about them prematurely. Someone who values quality time probably wants to meet right away and cut the small talk, or they may be eager to talk more frequently and seem clingy. Someone whose love language is acts of service may start offering to do a lot of things for you and come off as shady and suspect when it’s just their nature to offer a helping hand and a sign that they’re into you. Don’t ignore blatant red flags but also don’t read too harshly into someone’s ways before you’ve spent time with them and gotten to pick up on who/how they are.
I’m Cara, not to be confused with Carrie, although you could say I’m a Millennial Bradshaw of sorts. Pop culture connoisseur. Lover of all things creative and passionate about health and personal well-being. Follow me on IG @cara_vale_writer