There’s not necessarily anything wrong with having a boyfriend you know you’re only meant to be with for now but wouldn’t ever marry… as long as you’re aware of it. Some qualities can be totally fine for a boyfriend but absolutely terrible in a husband and it’s important you recognize them when you see them.
- He needs alcohol to have a good time. Many people drink occasionally—or more than occasionally if we’re being honest. Dating someone who enjoys drinking and is always up for a good time can be fun and exciting, especially if you’re a bit shy and want someone to bring you out of your shell. Drinking a lot is par for the course for many young people but dependence on alcohol can lead to issues down the road even if it doesn’t bother you now. For example, if you want to start a family, you don’t want your husband to be inebriated all the time. Also, drinking can be an escape from reality, which is fun occasionally but is disastrous when done in excess.
- He’s a natural risk taker and gets bored with routine. Although in life it’s necessary and healthy to take calculated risks from time to time, some people thrive off of being reckless, even when they know the choices they’re making are unlikely to end well. It’s fine to date someone who likes to take risks, but it’s not a good idea to marry someone who doesn’t feel alive without them. For example, dating someone who loves gambling is OK but you probably wouldn’t want to marry someone who constantly needs to gamble.
- Your family and friends don’t like him. Not everyone in your life is going to get along, but if a majority of your friends and family disapprove of your guy, there’s probably a good reason for it. It’s not a huge deal if you’re friends and family don’t like your boyfriend, but if you’re considering tying the knot with him and they don’t get along, that should definitely be a red flag.
- You have different life goals that aren’t really compatible or realistic together. If you definitely want children and he doesn’t (or vice versa), that might be fine for a temporary relationship since you’re nowhere near ready yet. However, you and the guy you’re going to settle down with have to be on the same page. Also, consider career goals and ideal places to live—do they match up? If not, things will never last long-term.
- He’s reserved and not super easy to communicate with. We’ve all dated guys who have left us confused and wondering what they’re really thinking. This can be kind of mysterious (and childish, TBH) but can sometimes be attractive, as well. While sometimes communication takes work in a relationship, it should be easy to communicate with the man you want to marry. Mystery isn’t a quality that works well in a long-term relationship.
- He doesn’t know how to clean up after himself. It might not seem like a big deal if his apartment and/or car is a mess when you’re just dating him, but trust me, it’ll definitely be a dealbreaker when you’re married if he can’t clean up after himself or keep things organized. A man who can pick up after himself (and you occasionally) and keep things tidy is a man you want to marry.
- He’s always broke because he doesn’t know how to manage his money. If the guy you’re dating isn’t the best at saving money or is always strapped for cash, that’s not really the worst thing in the world, but it’s a red flag if this is the case when it comes to the man you want to marry. I’m not saying he has to be extremely wealthy or anything, but knowing how to save money is important for someone to be good husband material. Nothing makes couples fight more than financial disagreements so you both need to be able to budget.
- He’s late all the time and totally unpredictable. Unpredictability can be fun in a relationship and add a little suspense but it can also be annoying, especially when you feel like you can’t count on your partner. Although this might be OK when it comes to someone you’re only just dating, you definitely won’t want this quality in your future husband.
- He’s unsure about his career goals. Of course, life doesn’t always go according to plan, but someone with future husband potential should definitely have some sort of idea of what he wants to do with his career and how he’s going to get there. It’s OK to date a guy who’s working a dead-end job and doesn’t really have any ideas of how to progress, but trust me, you won’t want to marry someone like this.
- You love him but ultimately know he’s unhealthy for you. It’s OK to date someone who isn’t the best at motivating you or pushing you to be better (or might even encourage the opposite a little bit), but you definitely don’t want to marry someone who doesn’t help you become the best version of yourself. You’re strong all on your own but in the long-term you want a solid support system behind you.
