It’s totally normal to want to feel accepted and loved, but you shouldn’t be trying too hard to get other people’s approval. Relationships shouldn’t be a stressful chore! So, check your behavior — if you’re showing any of the following 10 signs, you’re trying too hard to get people to accept and love you and it will most likely end up backfiring. You’ll become a doormat or give so much of yourself that you burn out. It’s not worth it!
1. You’re Always Apologizing.
When someone bumps into you, you say, “Sorry!” When your partner initiates a fight with you, do you apologize first just to have peace? If you’re always apologizing, you might be afraid of confrontation or worried that you’ll upset people – that’s a nightmare for you. But, what’s coming across is that you lack confidence and self-worth.
2. You Don’t Share What You Really Think.
You try to stay silent if someone in your social circle expresses something they love that you secretly hate, or if someone is being overly dramatic and you don’t want to tell them the truth about how they’re upsetting you. So, you bite your tongue and try hard to censor yourself. Instead of worrying about ruffling feathers, think about how important it is to express yourself. People should love you for who you are, not for who you’re pretending to be by remaining silent.
3. You Try To Solve People’s Problems.
You know how amazing it can be when someone helps you deal with a problem. That’s why you want to try to be that friend or partner. But it’s gonna backfire if you’re trying to take responsibility for other people’s lives. Instead of being seen as a generous, kind person, they’re going to think you’re too desperate. Or, they’re going to take advantage of your nice nature. (Just FYI, if this is a pattern you have in your romantic relationships, our sister site, Sweetn, can help you change that. They use the power of your mind to change your love life in just a few weeks. Check them out here.)
4. You Go With The Flow.
A big part of wanting people’s approval is going with the flow. So, if your partner wants to go out drinking and partying, you’ll go along with it even if that’s the last thing you want to do. You want to make others happy, but the downside is that you end up neglecting your needs and wants. So, you’ll be there with the person, but you’re not actually happy. What’s the point?
5. You Lose Sleep Over What Others Think Of You.
After interactions with people, you spend a lot of time analyzing what they said. You lose sleep replaying your chats in your mind so you can fish for any signs that they like you, or don’t like you. If you’re worried that they don’t like you or you embarrassed yourself, you’ll feel anxious, and it’s difficult to snap out of those looping thoughts.
6. You Hide Your Faults.
When strengthening bonds with people, you try to show them your best qualities. You live in fear of people learning something about you that you don’t like, because you’re afraid they’ll reject you or judge you. So, if you’re afraid people will discover that you’re depressed, you’ll work hard to appear happy and cheerful all the time. It’s so draining!
7. You Pretend Your Needs Don’t Matter
Not only do you tend to put other people’s needs ahead of your own to please them, but you also insist you’re fine when you’re not. So, when they check that you’re okay to help them move to a new apartment, you say “yes!” even though you’ve got work to do. Similarly, if they can see you’re exhausted after you pulled an all-nighter for them, you’ll say you’re great while stifling a yawn. You want them to see you as a kind person (and maybe a superhero). All they see is someone insincere. Ouch.
8. You Don’t Express Hurt Feelings.
Linked to the previous point, you struggle to express feelings of hurt. If your partner insults you, you pretend you’re not upset because you don’t want to be seen as weak or needy. This doesn’t make any sense! You’re supposed to be comfortable enough to show your vulnerability in relationships, and it’s a sign of strength. Telling your partner that you’re upset is a way for you to stand up for yourself and meet your needs.
9. You Feel Stressed When Not The Center Of Attention.
You want everyone to like you, so you feel anxious and stressed when you’re not hogging the spotlight. If someone else is being more entertaining or getting more laughs than you, you’ll feel restless. You might try to be even more interesting than them. Don’t turn everything into a competition! It doesn’t make you likable — people will get annoyed.
10. You Try To Get Sympathy From People.
Sometimes, negative attention is better than nothing. That’s why you might get a kick out of telling people about your drama and all the shocking things that have happened to you to get their sympathy. This gives you a burst of feel-good chemicals because it ensures you snag some attention. Look, you don’t have to do this. You’re worthy of being liked without trying so hard. Just be who you are and see how people are drawn to your amazingness.
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